Everything
Tahimik lang kaming bumalik ni Drezer sa hapag-kainan. Everything was fine when we went back, some are still eating like my friends but almost all of us are already done.
Bumalik ako sa upuan ko at umupo roon. Kumakain pa rin si Vail na pabirong susubuan pa nga sana ako ng chicken pero pekeng ngumisi lang ako at umiwas.
Napansin kong nakatitig pa rin sa akin si Drezer kahit na nakabalik na siya sa upuan niya na katabi ni Ate Dmitri.
And I also felt my twin's blazing stares at me. It feels like he knows something is wrong even if I hadn't told him any yet.
Hindi na lang ako lumingon o sumulyap sa direksyon nila at pinilit na lang na pasiglahin ang hitsura ko para isipin nilang okay na ako.
But I'm not. I'm really not.
I can't believe that Tita Serena is against me for Selene. And even as a person. I never thought that she has those thoughts in her head since before. I never thought that the sweet and gentle Tita Serena that I know... thinks that bad against me.
Though I can't blame her, of course. I've known to myself that I've been not good all my life and I've already accepted that. My decisions and most of my actions are wrong and blunt. I didn't think of others' feelings that much.
I've been a bad student all my life. I've also been a bad sister and most definitely, I've been a bad daughter. And I'd already accepted that.
And now... I'm regretting it.
I'm trying to change just like what Selene said. I'm trying to be the better version of myself. For my parents. For myself. And most especially, for Selene.
I wonder if Tita Serena is already thinking of that eversince? I wonder if Tito Lester is also thinking of those? How about my Uncles and Aunties?
Probably.
My heart sank as I fakely smiled at Vail who is telling me some dumb stories of hers. Hindi ko nga siya maintindihan pero sinasabayan ko na lang ang mga ngisi niya at ang mga tawa niya.
"Tapos sabi ni Auria-" Hindi niya natuloy ang kinukwento nang itaas ko ang palad sa ere para patigilin siya.
"Teka, teka, naiihi ako." Kunwaring paalam ko. Napakunot naman ang noo niya at nagtaka.
"Kakaihi mo lang kanina, iihi ka na naman? Anong pantog ba ang meron ka?" Ngisi niya. Narinig naman 'yon ni Ate Dashiell na nasa harapan niya kaya ngumiwi ito sa amin. Nag piece sign naman agad si Vail dito at tumawa.
"E sa naiihi ulit ako. Saglit lang ako." Paalam ko at muling tumayo na para umalis.
"Where are you going, anak?" Napa-estatwa ako nang marinig ang boses ni Mommy.
I looked at her and immediately wear my usual smiley face. "Restroom lang, Mom."
Napanguso siya at tinitigan ako ng ilang saglit. I bit the insides of my cheek 'cause she might know that I have some problem or something. But gladly, she just smiled and nodded in the end.
Nang makaalis sa dining area ay imbis na dumiretsyo ako sa rest room ay umakyat ako sa hagdan namin. Pero agad din akong napatigil nang mamataan 'di kalayuan si Tita Serena.
She was wiping some tears on her cheeks but her facial expression is strong and stern. She's just alone. Kinabahan naman agad ako dahil baka makita niya ako kaya binilisan ko na lang ang lakad paakyat.
Did they fight some more to the point that Tita Serena cried? And how about Selene? Did she cry too? Or is she still crying?
Fuck! Napasabunot ako pagkapasok sa kwarto ko dahil 'di ko alam kung bababa ba ako ulit para i-check si Selene. Pero paano kung naabutan ko siyang umiiyak? What will I do? When I'm feeling so down too right now?
