How Did It Begin? | cf au | (*Slowly Editing*)

Chapter 38

We're back ;)

Song List:

Dear Future Husband - Meghan Trainor

Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

~

3 Years Later

"Connor! Can you calm the baby??" Trisha calls from upstairs. I sigh and I trot into the living room where the baby was crying because his toy broke. I don't know why she left him alone. You're not supposed to in the first place, but nope, we left him alone in the living room with his toys. Nate continues to wail as I come over to the room. I carry him and bounce him up and down to make him stop crying.

"Shhh Nathan shhh... don't cry, don't cry. Daddy's here. Shhh it's okay daddy will fix the toy. Daddy will buy you a new one", I coo.

His snot dribbles down his face, I cringe. I get a tissue and wipe his nose while still cooing at him. Nate sniffles and cuddles his head against my shoulder. "Dadda", he attempts to say. My heart does a little leap. I kiss his head as he slowly starts to quiet down and fall asleep. I slowly start to pick up the broken robot that he was able to demolish and throw it in the trash.

Reminder, get a new toy for Nate, I think to myself as I hear Trish's footsteps descend from the stairs.

"You have a way with kids, Con", Trish says while staring at her son lovingly. Nate's chestnut hair is ruffled from his head rubbing against my neck. His pretty dark brown eyes fluttered closed as he finally fell asleep. I smile at her, slowing giving her the baby. She kisses Nate and puts him down in the crib. We slowly make our way up the stairs and into the room.

I sit in the office chair while she sits in her bed. I look up at her and say, "He said 'dadda'. I think he learned his second word." Her eyes light up with joy. "He said his second word and I wasn't there!? Dammit!" We both start to laugh. When our laughter died down, her face ended up with a frown, her smile completely dissipating. I already knew what she was thinking about. I lean forward in my chair, taking her hand in mine. "Don't think about it", I say, squeezing her hand. Tears start to brim her eyes. "I just...don't feel right...doing this", she murmured. I pull her into a hug, feeling my shoulder dampening with tears.

"It's not your fault, be happy this happened. This is a blessing, a new future. You were able to pull through before, you can again", I say.

"This isn't fair, Connor", she replies, pulling away from the hug. I sigh, frowning now. I lean back in my chair and rub my face. I look at Trish and see guilt flash in her eyes. "Connor you know that's not what I mean."

I let her continue. "You deserve to have a real family, not like this. You've been amazing no doubt, but I also want you to live your own life. A family like this, this was all because of-"

"A mistake. I know, but I want to help you", I reassure her. She stares at me with her hazel eyes, her pupils wide. "I can't keep doing this, I feel so bad. We don't deserve you, Nate and I. You need someone who really deserves you, like-" I stop her there.

"Don't", I snap coldly. If she dare said it..

I see her face twist with hurt. I realize that I came off really harsh and pull her in quickly for another hug, feeling my guilt spread like a wildfire. "Shit sorry...you know that it's a sensitive subject for me..." I feel her hug me back. "I know, I shouldn't have even brought it up. It's just that you deserve so much more than this family." I feel her nuzzle her head against my neck.

"You guys will always be my family , you should know that", I say softly, stroking her hair.

"I just wish..." she stutters, unable to finish what she's supposed to say. I squeeze her tighter. "You and Nate are special...people don't see that. If he was meant to be with you he will come back." She pulls away from me, furrowing her brows. "What about...but what about you?" she asks. "You can't keep this up any longer. It's lying, and I don't want to be that kind of parent." I sigh. "Nate deserves to have a father. As long as I'm with you two, I will help as much as I can."

Trish gives me a warm smile. "I don't know how I'm blessed with-"

"Such an amazing person like me? Pssht, yes you should be blessed", I say, imitating the pink-shirted girl emoji. Trish laughs, but then her smile slowly fades. I intertwine her fingers with mine.

"Trish...if he isn't the one, you will find someone that really loves and cares about you", I murmur quietly. She stares at me. "Just as much as you do?" she says, giggling. I smile. "Just as much as me. What are best friends for?" I say. She squeezes my hand. "Also one more thing", she says cautiously. I narrow my eyes as I wait for her to tell me what she needs to say. She sighs. "When do I tell Nate that you're not his father?"

I purse my lip, pondering.

"You'll know when the time is right, Trish. I know you will know", I say, choosing my words carefully. She nods.

She still looks cautious when she takes her hand out of mine. "Have you gotten anything at all? Since...you know", she says so quietly that I almost had to ask twice on what she said, but I knew. I freeze. My whole body numb, I shake my head sadly. She caresses my face, wiping the already falling tear from my eye. "She'll come around...I know you will find her", Trish whispers. I bite my lower lip hard.

I've tried to find her, but she never came back to me. If anything, if I can't find her, she will find me.