How Did It Begin? | cf au | (*Slowly Editing*)

Chapter 34

*PLEASE READ AUTHOR'S NOTE AT THE END*

SNEAK PEEK:

I stare at the blank canvas in front of me. Nothing. Nothing. Nothing.

Nothing to draw, nothing inspiring is coming to me. You know the term writer's block? Well I'm having artist's block.

I've been looking at this blank canvas for about two hours. Well actually, for the past couple of weeks I've done nothing but stare at this blank canvas. Why can't I think of anything? I should have something by now. I'm usually not procrastinating when making my work.

I sigh. I decide to stretch out my cramped limbs and go eat. I'm not going to waste another good day on a painting that wasn't needed until next month.

I lock the door of the art studio and jog down the stairs. I smile when a crisp breeze hits my face.

No one really pays attention to who I am. I don't mind that. I'm more of a "in the shadows" person. In fact, the people I submit my art to don't even know how I look like. I'm a hidden artist. When I need to turn in my work, I would have someone deliver them for me.

I know, anti-social much? I get that.

......

We may have a secret project that will be released after HDIB ends... ;) ~Admin Nutella

Song List:

Wanted - Hunter Hayes

Not on Drugs - Tove Lo

~*2 weeks later**~

Autumn's POV

The amount of bruises that are on my body cannot compare to the ache and pain I feel in my heart. Two weeks feels like two years. I have to be back in New York in three days so I can set up my stuff for my fall classes, but no. Where am I? I'm still in L.A. and I'm not even functional. I should just give up now because I have no reason to keep smiling anyways. My light was cast away from me, my light being Connor. My light was burnt out.

Because he's dead.

After Caspar told me this, I didn't want to believe it. I couldn't believe it. But Caspar showed me one of his shirts, torn and bloodied by who knows what. I didn't want to know. All I know is that I 'm back to beng surrounded by darkness. The shroud enclosed me into a case of nothingness.

Sorry for being a Negative Nancy, but I can't describe how I'm feeling without using analogies. I'm sorry.

What makes it worse is that I didn't hear it from Caspar. Sam had come to the house the other day, which made me almost angrily sit up from the bed and strangle him with my already bloody ropes, and had told Caspar and I the news. I had given up on life just then. I just sit on this dirty bed, doing nothing, losing weight, and occasionally showering when released. I feel like an abused dog.

I sit up on the bed and stare at my raw ankles, which are now red and swollen. They're burned from the rope that are still attached to my legs. I've grown used to it since it's been like, what two weeks? The pain is almost a numbing feeling.

Ms. Diana would come in now and then, her fake-ass sweet smile plastered on, to ask how my "budding relationship" is going with Caspar. Ninety-nine percent of that time I respond by spitting in her face, which leads to my daily paddle-board hitting. I mean, I don't have feelings for Caspar anymore. Who the hell goes Level Ape-Fucking-Shit just to get a girl to date her son?