How Did It Begin? | cf au | (*Slowly Editing*)

Chapter 40

Song List:

Fight Song - Rachel Platten

June 3

Connor's POV

"I don't know what to do", I moan. I pace back in forth in the apartment while trying to be quiet. Nate was taking his 1 o' clock nap while Trish is out running errands. Afterwards she has a date with someone named Kyle. So I was stuck on babysitting duty the whole afternoon and half the night. Along with a friend of course.

"C'mon man. You're just going to give up?" Kian says with a slightly annoyed tone. I scowl at him. I also put a finger to my mouth because Nate started to stir. Kian put up his hands up in surrender. After a few seconds of silence, he continues. "Connor. Okay, so it's been 3-"

"Pretty much four", I interrupt, glaring at him. Kian narrows his eyes at me. "As I was saying", he continues, again. "It's been 3-4 years since you've seen her. Usually that's the time to give up, I know I know." I stare at him in disbelief. This is how he makes me feel better?

Kian stops me before I start to walk up the stairs. "That's not it, I'm not done. Stay put, sit boy", he points to the recliner in the living room. I roll my eyes as I plop into my seat. Kian sits on the couch across from me. "I'm not a dog, Kian", I say. Kian sticks his tongue out. "Connor you need to lighten up. Everything will go back to the way it was. I know it will!" I rub my temples.

"Kian. You don't understand. She hasn't even tried to contact me. If we were really meant to be we would have found a way back to each other. It has been 3 - no 4 - fucking years and I don't have a single connection with her. I don't think she even wants to find me. For all we know she's probably back up in New York, graduating in her cap and gown, looking beautiful as always. Face it, I've lost her since that day." That one day everything fell.

The room suddenly got more serious.

Kian looks at me guiltily. "Connor...There's something I have to tell you."

I start to get uneasy in this recliner.

"You know how Autumn never went back to New York because of...you know." I feel the tingle of anger crawl up my back. I nod, letting him go on. "His mom basically fucked up her education there, so she couldn't re-apply. Hell knows why, but she couldn't go back. She ended up staying here."

I almost threw the recliner back and choked Kian. "Are you saying that for the past three years you knew she was here and didn't tell me?"

Kian jumped behind the couch, his eyes wide. "Whoa whoa okay, this was a year after you guys stopped seeing each other, okay? I didn't know if she was still around. I see Emmi now and then just to hang and she tells me that she's still here. After a while, though, I stopped seeing Emmi because...I don't know. I just didn't see her anymore."

I slump in my seat. "Did she ever ask about me, at least?" Kian stays quiet. I sigh, burying my face in my hands. "It's over." Kian huffs. "No, Connor, it's not."

I start to say something but Kian beats me to it.

"Why are you giving up so easily? Just because she hasn't found you? Just like that you're going to give up?" he asks me angrily. I nod stiffly. "I don't want to waste my time on someone who doesn't want to give me the time of day."

"Why do you think she won't give you the time of day? You never even tried to contact her, or anyone that's even connected to her. Did you ever try to talk to Sam? Or Ricky? Maybe even Jc, if he even talked to her? Or probably Ca-"

"No. I will never talk to him. No", I spit, clenching my fists. Kian jerked backward. "You do know that Caspar was just as bad as a victim as Autumn and you were? He didn't know half of his mom's schemes. You can't hold a grudge against someone who was forced against their will."

I stay quiet.

Kian releases a sigh.

"Connor. I've seen how you and her are. You two have something everyone wants. Maybe it's not like Boy Meets World, where Cory and Topanga has a love that no one has. It's not a Cory and Topanga. It's not like High School Musical, where Troy and Gabriella changes everything because of one girl changing the status quo. It's not a Troy and Gabriella. It's not like Brangelina, and hell Brangelina's story is all over the world. I could list out so much more but I can't think of that shit right now. This is you...and Autumn.

"You can't just click with someone that quick, have a story that you two have, or have the summer adventure you two went through. That's your guys' story. No one will be Autumn and Connor. Aunnor, Contumn, whatever the hell you guys have as a ship name. This is your story that no one else will have. If you cut the story in the halfway point, everyone will be mad that this story ended so soon. You can't just stop in the middle, you have to end it. You have to end it right for all those readers who are waiting for the ending they want."

I let what Kian said sink in. I let every single word take part of each and every fiber of my body. I wanted to give up, really, I did. But this wasn't the time to give up. For three damn years I have stayed away from people, craving the touch of the one girl I still loved. At one point I've even considered going gay, because I wasn't attracted to any girls. That didn't work out though, because in order for me to be I would have to be attracted to not girls, but boys.

I was and still am in love with Autumn Worthe.

"What if she doesn't accept me anymore?" I say, barely whispering. Kian gets up from the couch and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"You found her in the dark. You were her light, you showed her that there can be second chances. She was broken, but everyone is in the world. There's a crack in everything. That's how light gets in. She was cracked, and because she was cracked, you were able to get in. She wouldn't turn her sunshine away."

I feel new energy surge through my veins. I feel new confidence. With that, I realized two things.

One, I can and will get my love back. I will fight for her.

Two, her birthday is in two days.

"Autumn's birthday is in two days", I blurted out. Kian raises an eyebrow at me. "Yes, and?" I look at him like he didn't comprehend what I just said. "I want to get her something for her birthday. I want to send her something, or even show up with just me as the birthday present. Yet, I have no idea where she is, or how I'm going to get there." Kian just smiles at me.

"What?" I say.

"You think I wouldn't just tell you this and let you do this yourself?" he says with a cocky smile. I smile, almost relieved. "You got something planned?" I ask. Kian nods. He gets up and grabs his car key that's on the table and tosses it to me. "Go to the mall." I stare at him, confused.

"What?"

"Go to the mall. I'll watch Nathan."

I stand still in my seat. "Why do I have to go to the mall?"

"I will not tell you why you have to. Just listen to me and go to the mall", Kian says. I feel myself get irritated. "Kian, I can't go somewhere without context. I won't go until you tell me." Kian rolls his eyes. "Are you really not going to go until I tell you?"

I nod.

Kian smiles. "You're going to the mall to go to the tuxedo store." I blink twice.

"Why do I have to go to the tuxedo store?"

Kian smiles wider. "To get yourself a tux. We're going to a wedding."