EZH #5: Hope Tuason [ON GOING]

Chapter 26

Chapter 26

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Hope was kind enough to make an excuse for me para makaalis na ako. Nagpapasalamat ako na mukhang naiintindihan niya na hindi ko pa kayang harapin sina Demi at Tim nang sabay na ganoon sila umakto.

May nagbago. Matagal na. Halata ko iyon at matagal ko nang napapansin, sadyang hindi ko lang talaga maamin sa aking sarili. Hindi na sila katulad noong dati na nasa kwento nina Hope, na nakita ko rin sa mga pagkakataon na magkakasama kami, na parati silang magkaaway. It just seemed like they were fighting. But they were not.

They were absolutely not. And deep inside, may parte sa akin na hirap na hirap pa rin iyong tanggapin.

Dahil kung nag aaway talaga sila ay sila lang ang nakita kong nagsisigawan na pero malambing pa rin ang approach sa isa't isa. Maraming beses ko nang napatunayan iyon base na rin sa mga nasaksihan kong interaction nila pero parang pinipilit ko na lang talaga ang sarili ko na maging bulag sa katotohanan. If I would just swallow the truth, I could even name a few instances where our friends would say one thing but I would see another.

One instance was when Demi went missing and she suddenly called Tim crying somewhere. Sabi nila ay galit na galit din daw si Tim noon dahil tinakasan ni Demi. He didn't look mad with the way he fawned over Demi the next days after that incident. Halos wala ngang makapag alis ng attention niya kay Demi noon, e.

Marami pang iba, small things that people who didn't pay attention wouldn't notice. Of course, napansin ko iyon lahat.

Tanga, e.

Umiyak na naman ako buong gabi, paulit ulit na naalala ang sinabi ni Hope sa akin.

"It's always those with the biggest hearts who get hurt the most, Ivana."

My heart ached, but it had no choice. My heart didn't have any other options.

I just had to bear the pain, because only pain was the only part of my love for Tim that I was allowed to feel.

Hindi ko rin maiwasan na itanong sa sarili ko kung nagkamali ba ako sa paraan ng pagdadala sa aking sarili. My Mom used to tell me advices on how to live my life and I followed what she said diligently.

My mom told me before that men wanted their women to be nice, gentle and full of grace; that a gentleman opted to have a woman whom he could be proud of. Iyong tipo ng babae na kapag narinig mo iyong pangalan, wala kang masamang bagay na maididikit sa kanya.

Aspects of manners, looks, and brains. All should always be top notched.

I aspire to be a woman like that. So I became one. Kahit hindi ako ganoon kaganda ay lagi kong sinisigurado na maayos ako tingnan. Kahit hindi ako gaano katalino ay sinisipagan ko naman mag aral para makakuha ng mataas na grades. In my mind, that was the only way. Para sa akin at para na rin sa taong mamahalin ko.

Kasi gusto ko na ipagmalaki rin ako ng taong magiging kabiyak ko habang buhay.

Kaya noong mga panahon na nagsisimula ko nang mapansin ang pagbabago ni Timothy dahil kay Demi... nagtaka ako.

I mean, Demi was a total opposite of a perfect woman in terms of manners that my Mom had always talked to me about. Yes, she was very gorgeous. But her image wasn't the best. She was also impulsive and spoiled rotten. Totoong mabait siya, wala akong masasabi sa pagiging totoo niya sa sarili at sa ibang tao. But still.

Then again, naisip ko, baka hindi naman talaga dapat pilitin na maging perfect.

Baka kasi what makes a woman perfect was the way her loved ones looked at her.