Forgiveness

chapter 6

"I wasn't expecting you to call me. I was beginning to think that maybe I made a mistake by calling you and everything. What changed your mind."she smile weakly as I lead her farther inside and into the living room area.

"Yeah well,Christine and me had a long deep conversation and she helped me make sense of things."I said as I offered her a seat along with cup of tea.

"Christine,also made sense with me as well."she said as I took a seat across from her.

"She been a good friend throughout the years. John and her are like second parents to Annabelle."I smile.

"She also made me understand how much I've hurt you and the pain I caused you."she sadly said.

"How can you possibly understand."I mocked as she frown.

"Lindsey,I was just stating that I know what I've done to you. Not to mention Annabelle as well."She said in a steady voice as I rolled my eyes.

"Oh you have you. Then explain to me why you abandoned us."I snapped as stood up and she stiffed in her seat.

"I admit was young naive, scared,selfie and we just got famous with Fleetwood Mac and then I started my solo career along with writing songs for my album and everything was just taking off for me. Then we had a baby. It just got so overwhelming after that. I just lost myself in the rockstar lifestyle along with the drugs and the party's. I just couldn't be the mother Annabelle needed at the time."she said as her voice breaks.

"Damnit Steph, don't you think it was hard for me as well. My career was starting too and I lost myself in bottle hard after you left us. You broke my heart and left me alone with a newborn to raise all on my own. I loved you and I would have done everything for you. Hell I was going to give up my career for you."I scowl. Tears started to form in her eyes and fell down her cheeks as she looked away in shame.

"I was scared but I didn't walk away I stayed because that little girl of mine means more to me then some stupid career. She should have been more important to you. She needed her mother. If you just had told me how you felt and been honest with me we could have worked it out and maybe things would have different and we would have been a family today."I furiously said as I ran my fingers through my cruelty hair.

"You are right you're actually right. I should have known you would and I should have told you how I was feeling but at the time I was so focused on my career and the drugs that I felt like I couldn't tell you."she said with a crack in her voice as she stood up and turned away from me. I sighed heavily.

"Why, couldn't you tell me. Don't you think I would've help you through with whatever you were going through."I said as she inhale deeply.

"At the time no,I saw how you were happy and how natural you were with her. I didn't want to disappoint you. I was so jealous of you. I started to feel like you were be better off without me and her too."she shameless said. I tighten my fists at my sides as my eyes widen.

"What, jealous."I huffed as I looked at her sideways like she has two heads as she sighed heavily before speaking.

"Yes, Lindsey I was jealous of you and yes I know how foolish and dumb it all sounds but you were so good with her and so natural and knew how to take care of her while I didn't even know how to stop her from crying or calm her like you did hell I couldn't even breastfeed her or get her to take the bottle but when it comes to you she just light up when ever she heard or saw you. I felt like I couldn't do this whole motherly things. I couldn't be the mother she needed me to be at that point in my life because I let my life spin out of control. I also let the drugs cloud my head along with Mi.... I um mean I just give up."She emotionally said as I sense she hiding something from me and it has to do with Mick I thought in the back of my mind but I didn't want to push her on it just yet.

"But you think you can be her mother now."I said with question look as I started to feel sad for her because she missed out on so much of her daughter growing up but I shrugged it off because I don't want to seem weak by her.

"Yes, about 5 years ago I made a lot of changing in my life along with soul searching I made a decision I needed to stop so I kicked the drug habit and realize that my career wasn't so important anymore. I reached a point in my life where I know what was more important to me and that is Annabelle."She said as her voice became hoarsely.

"Did you get help and we're you using when you were pageant."I asked.

"No,I stopped the moment I find out I was pregnant with her but after I had her I started up again."she ambit as I felt a bit of a relief but not much. I nodded for her to continue.

"One night I was at this party, I did a little to much cocaine and I blacked out. And the next day I woke up in the hospital and the doctor is telling me I have a hole in my nose and if I don't stop doing cocaine I might not be so lucky next time. It was a big wake up call that I needed so I checked myself into rehab center that's were I started to rethink my life and what I became. I hated myself and what I've done to the people in my life that meant the most to me because I let them down."she said with sorrow as I gently reached for her hand and squeezed as she gave a small smile.

"I didn't realize you were that hooked on cocaine. I mean I should have known but I guess it was kinda my fault too. I should have seen the signs."I sighed deeply as I felt like I should have done more.

"How could you have known Lindsey,I hide it well from you and everyone else. I even went as low as to hide it in my boots and makeup compartment. So how could you have known."she said as she gently strokes my cheek. I exhale sharply at her touch.

"I don't know but I should have Steph."I sadly said as I pull away from her and she sighed with a frown.

"Lindsey please don't blame yourself. It's mine fault for not letting you in."she said as we locked eyes.

"Well I guess I understand a bit more but it still hurts."I honestly said.

"Annabelle."she asked after a few minutes.

"I'll talk with her. I know she wants to talk with you and if she wants you in her life I won't stop her."I said as I lead her to the front door.

"Okay,and Lindsey."she softly said as she stood by the open door and looked over her shoulder.

"Yeah."I said.

"I hope someday you can forgive me."she whispered softly.

"Me too."I weakly said as she walked out and I closed the door behind her.

Sorry for the wait I had to rewrite this whole chapter because I mistakely deleted it ugh 🤦🏼‍♀️🤦🏼‍♀️

I hope this chapter is okay but I feel like it could have been better but I am still trying here so thanks for staying with me❤️

Next chapter Stevie comes face to face with Annabelle 😬😭