(we're a) Fine Line {HS}

I - Post {Intro}

I can be very unrealistic at times, and that tends to be mistaken by my disliking on what is supposedly happening around me. I show no emotion when it comes to the things that excite me to my very bone, so while I'm bursting all over internally, something keeps it from coming to the surface and I shut myself down.

I don't know how come it works that way, nor if it does to anyone else. But, at least for myself, I've come to put the blame on my lack of self belief and recognition; whatever greater things I do or happen to me, I don't think I'm of such deserving, and so I don't think realness of them.

As so, I then usually make my own unreality, for it's comforting to have the certain that those are indeed false, but yet not, once it does exist in my head. Places that never in a twenty-sixth parallel reality could possibly even be thought of. And it is fun to own the internal freedom to create anything I wish and make that my own little secret world with my own little secret wishes and lies. And, if I think about it, in a way, that's what keeps me going; the eager for that to happen anyway, without caring much about its credibility.

One thing I do everyday is play my guitar when I come home from school, for that is the most efficient way into that hiding refuge of mine. Curious, though, how we're never the only ones.

I wish I were else more on guitar. Although, I'm only starting as of recently and I've found myself to be a quick learner at it, so I'm hopeful and doing for to increase my skills progressively as moments like these pass by. For now, I only know how to play a few songs with the most basic chords - though, I've been trying to learn more fingerpicking too.

Also, as if I could, I try to make melodies on my own, to write my own music. I must admit I do have a couple of them composed and written by myself already and I do feel really proud of them. And even though I don't consider them anything out of this world, sometimes I still wish one could appreciate them the way I'd like them to be appreciated. But as usual, creativity isn't something I can force, and after easily realising I don't have it in the moment, I remain to play everything I remember until my fingertips ache, and then I just put it aside, calling it a day.

That same thing happened today, obviously. This time, though, after I play my acoustic guitar and put it aside, I pick up my phone from my bed and exit my bedroom to join my mother in the living room. I walk slowly and easily through the house - small, for our humble lifestyle - while checking my social medias - which are really just Instagram - to distract myself from reality for a bit more.

Nothing interesting for the first scrolls, as well as no messages or any other kind of notification. Not surprisingly so, I don't try to be social anyway. But that is until I find my attention caught up by a recent post from Harry Styles.

I started following him and his work recently, just as I started getting really into his music and admiring it. Never useless to say he has become one of my favorite music artists, if not my favourite music artist. And again, it's curious how we all think we're the number one ourselves, although at this we're certainly not.

The post seems to be about his tour and its new dates. Never could I help my eyes from carefully make a journey through all the countries that are on it, hoping mine would be there too, for some unrealistic reason. As I quietly sit on the couch, however, I find them wide open as I see the names I was looking for. Somehow, there it is; 31st of July, just a moth and some days after my birthday. I had actually already wondered if Harry had ever came here and when would he--

Wait a minute... My favourite singer is performing in my little lost-from-the-world country just a month and some days after my birthday?!

"Mom, just found out what I'd like to have for my birthday." I say with some hesitation. I don't quite understand if she heard what I said, though, she is busy with a Zoom meeting. While she doesn't answer me, I immediately run through the internet, checking everything about the concert, mostly the cost of the tickets. Deep frustrated sigh, however, as I see it is too much for us, we don't have that much money. The amout of money is actually insane.

"What?" My mom takes a quick look at me, noticing my strange reaction.

"Just found out what I'd like to have as a birthday gift, but forget about it."

"Already?" We're only in January.

"Well.. yeah. Anyway, nevermind."

"Why?"

"It's too expensive."

"What is it then? What you'd like to have."

"There will be a concert" I smile just at the thought of it. I really like concerts and I wish I could go to them more often. And, I mean, this one is "by Harry Styles."

"Harry Styles..." She murmurs suspiciously, as she's not very familiarized with him, but recalling the few times I've spoken of him to her, on random occasions, unsuccessfully trying to get her to listen to his songs, hopeful she'd turn to be a fan herself. "And how much does it cost?"

I knew she would ask all these questions. She always does and I always answer her as if I want to let it go, making sure I still express my sadness on doing so. Of course, she desperates calmly with the number I give her.

"That must be wrong. Are you sure that isn't the VIP tickets?"

I lower my head as I research the same thing as before, with her now peeking over to see what is on the screen.

"This one must be cheaper." She says opening one of the sites Google gave us. Now, deep relief breath as I see it is, indeed, much more cheaper, nothing compared and something we could possibly afford.

"YES! Well, my offer is still on the table. Just giving you the thought."

"Of course, just giving me the thought." She gives me a typical neutral look and I can never figure out what goes on her mind. But I know my job is done - particularly well done, in fact - and now I can only remain to do nothing but wait.