𝑏𝑟𝑢𝑡𝑎𝑙 [𝒍𝒓𝒉,𝒄𝒕𝒉]

ᴇɪɢʜᴛ - ᴄᴀʟᴜᴍ - ᴄʟᴏᴜᴅꜱ

8 | Calum | clouds

Song of the chapter

Clouds – one direction

Thursday

Calum felt better than he did when he woke up once Luke was gone. He was glad that he had talked to him about it. He was looking forward to the promise they had made to spend more time together again.

And to know that Luke told him things that he didn't tell Jade, made him grow a few inches taller, or at least it let his confidence grow. But despite all that, despite the fact, that it was better than before, it still wasn't good.

There was still something that bothered him about Jade just casually walking in and cuddling Luke like that. There was still this itching feeling in his stomach, still the uncomfortable feeling of having to look away because looking would only make it worse.

Deep down Calum knew why he felt this way. Deep down he knew, that it was jealousy. Jealousy that Jade was close to Luke in a way Calum would and could never be.

Deep down he knew it, but he just didn't want to believe it. It just couldn't be. He just couldn't like Luke in that way, there had to be another reason for his feelings.

It was still early, the sun was still shining, although its power was a lot less than it was during the afternoon. So he decided to go on a walk. He just needed fresh air, he needed to clear his mind.

He walked for a while and tried to think of nothing, while finishing one cigarette after the other.

But it was hard to forget everything when there were just too many thoughts screaming at him. Calum often thought about everything. About life and if there was a reason why we even were born.

Sometimes it wasn't good for him. Sometimes he thought to deep, he thought about the universe and how small and unimportant we were compared to the mass. About all the things we would never be able to answer like how big the universe is and if it's infinite.

Because it had to be. If it just ended somewhere, how could there just be nothing around it?

Each and every time he let his mind slip that far, he didn't see a point in anything at all. That humans existed was just random. And life was boring. Every single person had to follow the same pattern. Be born, go to school, work, maybe some travel in between, get retired and die one day. It was just so pointless.

However, most of the time, his thoughts weren't as abstract. He thought about his days, his weekends and his feelings. Which was exactly what he did that day.

When he reached the park, he laid down on the grass and stared up in the sky and began to think about everything that had happened. A lot had changed during lockdown. His friends had changed, they all looked a little different from what Calum had remembered them and also their characteristics were somewhat different than they were before.