𝑏𝑟𝑢𝑡𝑎𝑙 [𝒍𝒓𝒉,𝒄𝒕𝒉]

ᴛᴡᴇɴᴛʏ-ᴏɴᴇ - ᴊᴀᴅᴇ - ꜱᴏʀʀʏ ɪꜱɴ'ᴛ ɢᴏᴏᴅ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ

21 | Jade | sorry isn't good enough

song of the chapter

Middle finger - bohens

Tuesday

As soon as Mason had disappeared from the cantina, Jade wanted to run right after him. She didn't know if he wanted to see her though. He didn't like her too much recently and she didn't blame him.

"What the hell is your fucking problem?!", it was now Calum who was screaming, not Daxtor.

He had gotten up from his seat and was standing face to face to the bully, anger flashing through his eyes.

"He's gay!", Daxtor screamed back at him, "Aren't you scared he's going to try something on you?"

"What the fuck!", Calum screamed even louder, pushing Daxtor back. He tumbled a few steps back, until he almost fell over a table. "You don't know anything about Mason, so shut the fuck up."

Daxtor just laughed, rolling his eyes at Calum, while biting down his lips. "Are you his boyfriend? Is that why you get so defensive?", he provoked his opponent, a dirty smile on his face. "Who would've though bad boy Calum a faggot himself."

When he said "bad boy Calum", he tingled his finger up in the air. It reminded Jade of the gesture people did when they jokingly tried to scare people on Halloween when they pretended to be a ghost by saying "boo".

One thing was for sure, Daxtor was making fun of him.

Jade saw how Calum took a deep breath trying to calm himself down. But apparently it didn't work. He was now taking two big steps forward, positioning himself right in front of Daxtor.

He had his hands clenched to a fist. Only in a matter of seconds, he had lashed out at him, driving his fist straight into his face. "He's my friend", Calum said while watching his head turn to the side. Daxtor immediately brought his hands around his nose. "If you mess with my friends, you mess with me, got it?"

Daxtor let go of his nose and looked up. Blood was dripping out of it, but he didn't look weakened or anything. Instead he just smirked like a psychopath. "Oh you shouldn't have done that", he laughed out, before attacking Calum back.

Jade had seen enough. While the two guys were throwing fists at each other, she left the cafeteria, trying to find Mason.

She looked everywhere, the bathroom, every corner of every hall, she even looked through the classrooms although she knew he wouldn't be there.

Now there was only the library left. She wasn't sure if she'd find him there, for all he knew Mason wasn't really interested in books as long as they didn't have any Japanese cute little characters in it.

But in the corner in the very back, where all the couches and all the cushions were, she discovered a ball of platinum blond hair hidden behind a magazine. It was indeed a manga, but Jade didn't know it, it wasn't really her kind of stuff.

"Mason", she sighed out in relieve.

He let the magazine drop down and looked at her with big swollen eyes. They were still watery and Jade could just feel how hard he was fighting down the tears.

"Go away, please", he whispered, but that was the last thing Jade really wanted to do.

She walked over to him and crawled to the seat right next to him. She slung an arm around his shoulders and pulled him closer to her. His head was resting now on her shoulders, the tears rolling out of his eyes, wetting the dark grey T-Shirt she had been wearing.

She ran her free hand through his fluffy hair and played with it a little to calm him down.

That's how they had always done it when the two of them were still in a relationship and Jade comforted Mason. She knew that no matter how much he might hate her at that moment, he needed her and he needed someone to hold him just as she was doing right now.

Jade felt lousy. She knew she was responsible for Mason crying now. If only she had kept her mouth shut during the night of the performance, everything would still be fine.

It was her fault, she realized now.

"Daxtor gets what he deserves," she whispered softly to him. "At least I think Calum broke his nose."

"Calum broke his nose?"

"Yes," Jade nodded and continued to caress him. "As soon as you left, he tried to confront Daxtor, but he just wouldn't budge, and well... one thing led to another. Calum hit him and in the next second Daxtor was bleeding from his nose."

Mason smiled to himself as Jade told him this. He probably hadn't expected his friends to actually defend him. Not at this level.

"Listen Mason," Jade said after a while, "I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have told Branda you were gay, I get that now. I really regret it, I know I should have left it up to you. I thought if you were okay with being outed to your friends, you were okay with it in general. I shouldn't have assumed that, I'm sorry."

Mason disentangled himself from Jade's arms and straightened up. He grabbed a nearby pillow and squeezed it so tightly that Jade was beginning to fear he was going to kill it.

"That's just the thing, Jade," he muttered. "I wasn't ready to be outed in front of all our friends..."

Jade was a little confused. "What do you mean, they've all known about it for a long time."

"Yeah," he agreed with her. "But only because you told them about it."

He swallowed. "The only people I really came out to were you and my parents. The next time I saw our friends, they all already knew about it, Jade. That wasn't me, that was you."

It was the moment of realization. The moment Jade realized she had screwed up so much more than she had previously thought.

Because everything Mason had just told her was true. The day he broke up with her, she told Calum and Luke about it as they tried to cheer her up.

Later, when she got together with Luke and told Maureen the whole story, she also told her about Mason being gay. She had even told her parents, although she had no right to do so for any of those things.

She basically told everyone.

"I'm so, so sorry, Mason...", she whispered almost inaudible. She didn't know what else she could say.

She was sorry and she'd do anything in her power to make it up to Mason, but she didn't know how.

For now an "I'm sorry" was the best she could do, although she knew it wouldn't be enough to fix what she had broken.

He had trusted her and she hadn't valued his trust. It didn't matter how honest her sorry was, it would never fix the broken trust.

"Sorry isn't good enough", Mason replied with an even lower voice.

And although Jade had known it before, hearing Mason say it, broke her heart. 

1192 Words

rather short chapter, but i hope you still like it  <3

Jade's finally realising what she's done :0 it's been about time 

how is everyone doing?

Has anyone watched heartstopper? 

It's sooo good and cute and so much like the comics, i'm in looove

Oh and I'm seeing 5sos live tomorrow *screams* 

it doesn't feel real to be honest :o