Write A Prisoner

10

February 13th, 2020

The ideal age to get married is around 23, maybe 24 and the first kid at 25 to me. I don't want a big gap year between my children and I because my mom had me at 20 so she's like a big sister you know ? But I don't want to rush also, especially not having kids right after the wedding because I want to travel a lot before sharing my husband with a baby lol. And I've always wanted to have boys and I'm already thinking of their names ahah.

But the thing is I'm afraid of commitment, like calling someone "mine" and sharing the rest of my life with that person. Taking people for granted and not putting efforts in a relationship can ruin the whole thing to me and I hate routine so I don't want to be stuck in a box. So it's really the whole "wifey thing" and being a good "housewife" that is not for me.

And about the "love is complicated" part, I never talk about what I feel unless I'm sure the feeling is mutual. And well even if it's mutual, a part of me is always scared of being taken for a fool so I never give "all of me".

February 14th, 2020

Today is Valentine's Day, aka another way to remind me how lonely I am. Last year, we had organized a party with Zareen and some of her friends and the thing was super dope. I had never realized it was her people. It's always been her people.

February 17th, 2020

Hey, sorry that is took me so long to get back to you, I got into a little bit of trouble so that's why I was out of reach for a bit, I'll explain later. But I did get your message about kids and marriage and I don't see any issue with your timeframe being that you're in school now and by the time you hit 23 or 24 you will be better established in life. I'm playing from behind a bit being locked so your life is slightly on hold but I would love to get fully established and start my own family :-) And find me the right female and put a ring on it. As far as the age, I haven't put much thought into that aspect but I would sure know when the female does come along. I'm eager :-) I would like to have a little boy first so he could protect his little sister :-) 

I completely understand how you can be timid when it comes to commitment, I'm kind of the same way because I do love hard but I'm always worried the other person is not as committed as me so I guess I play trips on myself. Trust is so important and when you do give it, you obviously don't want to be played with. Now, what I've learned that you have to let the past go to heal. Wendy, it just seems like you're a little scared to fail maybe from a past relationship or others who failed which makes it seems like it was all in vain but that how life is, a big you never know. I hate routine also, it makes shit hella boring, I can say I'm really spontaneous just for that reason. I don't want my moves to be so predictable, I want my baby to ride the high of a surprise and remain on cloud nine :-) And also I like how you are opening up to me and expressing so much of yourself. I know we're just getting to know each other on this level but it's a great start to understanding one another just in case we do cross that path, a lot would already be understood and all our feelings would be mutual :-)

Well I'm sure you'll find a beautiful lady who deserves you :-)  How would you propose ? At the restaurant ? I want to know how romantic you can be :-) And yeah a boy to protect his sister is great, I wish I had a big brother ahah.

And actually I've never been in a relationship because I wasn't interested in it in the first place and when I started to get interested, I got confronted to men' "real" intentions. I got a bit insecure because I couldn't understand why they didn't want to get to know me as a individual but rather to satisfy their own desires. But I did have a lover when I was younger lol we were just kids after all.

But anywaaays. It's weird telling you all this ahah. I'm the good listener usually and now I'm on the other side. I feel so vulnerable lol.

I can understand how you can be skeptical of a man's motives if they only seem to be intrigued by sexual joy.  From the very beginning I thought you were very beautiful and attractive from head to toe but I also wanted to get to know you  for you. That's why I did take my time when approaching you on another level, I didn't want to get driven by lust  or have you think that. I wanted to be authentic. 

You are the type of woman I would completely desire and choose to build a family with. On top of your stunning looks, your intellectual capacity blows me away, from what you are currently studying in school to how you articulate your goals, hopes and dreams to just your pure ambition to set yourself up for a great future. I just find that so attractive. I'm glad we did slow walk this process because it gave us a chance to bond first and allow you to feel so comfortable when talking to me which I do like a lot :-) I'm glad I can have that kind of effect on you and get you out your comfort zone and feel slightly vulnerable. I guess I got you trying new things and live on the edge lol.

I don't know what love is and I don't know if this is love but it feels right. I don't know if it's attraction, loneliness or just my ego boosted but I think I'm falling in love with Jay. It feels good. He makes me feel good.