Write A Prisoner

the ways we love

I'm falling slowly...

I did not know that I needed a doctor. But I needed someone who could see my scars and insecurities. I needed someone to see the real me. The weak me.

I'm falling slowly...

You came into my life and before I even knew it, you made it to my heart. You stole my heart.

I'm falling slowly...

I have always been told to be strong and fearless. I did that. I tried to. I was strong and fearless. But that shell was just a self-defense mechanism. A fortress that I built to protect myself from getting hurt. I do not want to be strong and fearless. Sometimes I just want to be me. Can I be me, babe ? Would you let me ?

I'm falling slowly...

I thought I would help you but you helped me more than anyone ever did. You cured me. You were the cure I needed.

I'm falling slowly...

You let me be vulnerable. You held me down. You are the shoulder I need to lean on. The ear I need to vent to. The voice I need for inner peace.

 I'm falling slowly...

And it's a weird feeling. The more I let you in, the more you could break me. But you don't leave. You stayed. You stay. You saw my pain and took it away.

I'm falling slowly...

In love. Slowly. Dangerously in love, babe.

I'm falling slowly...

When I first got on that website, I was just looking for a friend. I thought I could help someone, be someone's light in this dark world. I thought I could make someone else feel better and have hope. I thought I was going to save someone. That someone was me. I didn't know that I needed a doctor. But some people are sent in your life to just see your scars and embrace them. He embraced all of my insecurities and made them his. My fights became his fights. His struggles became mine. I was just looking for a friend. I found a partner.

I'm really crying as I write these words. I'm so proud of how far we have come. I'm so proud life made us meet. I'm so glad that we found each other. And I'm so happy to be able to say that I found my person.

We have come a really long way. It has not always been easy. I thought of giving up at several occasions. But all of the difficulties we went through made us stronger not only as individuals, but also as a couple. The distance used to be our biggest struggle. It's really hard not to be able to see him, to touch him... But I realized that there are different ways to feel someone's presence. I feel his presence when I listen to music because I know he loves music. Whenever I listen to a song, it feels like an "us" moment because I'm doing something I know he enjoys doing. Presence is more than a physical interaction. It's spiritual. It's intellectual. It's a moment. An emotion. 

I love that this is our story because it looks like no other. It's special. We're living the type of love you don't even see in movies. Maybe we should make our own. Maybe we should tell our story to the world. Maybe we should call it "The ways we love" because there are as many loves as people to live them.

I wanted to make this book to show to the world that love takes different shapes. But it is still love. Just because your situation looks like any other, doesn't mean it's not real. I think social media makes us feel like there can only be one type of love. If you don't fit the standars, then you shouldn't show it. Well... Show it. Embrace it. This is your story and no one should tell you how to play it. Be comfortable. You are in love with this person. Live your life. Go ! Be happy !

It is the way YOU love that matters.

Dear future me,

If you are reading this, it means you made it to the US. I'm proud of you ! I hope you found a lovely place with a king size bed because that was one of your dreams as a kid. I hope you have an amazing job that you love. I hope you are happy in your life.

I also hope that Randy's little snore makes you smile as you read this. You finally reunited and I could not be happier. I hope he did everything he said he would do...

I hope he kisses you softly before you go to sleep. I hope his warm hand on your hip makes you feel loved and safe.

I know the way he looks at you makes you smile like a teenager.

I know his jokes makes you laugh like a baby.

You are so cute together.

I know you will be happy, Wendy.

I know you will grow old with your lover.

You deserve it.

<3

Dear Randal,

First, it's really weird to call you Randal.

If you're reading this, it means you're a free man. Welcome home, baby.

I hope you're reading this while I'm sleeping on your chest. I probably love to do so. I'm probably wearing one of your big shirts because it fits me like a dress. And your scent is closer to me that way.

I probably watch you sleep a lot. And I probably hug you too much.

I probably randomly cry also. Because the life we're living used to be a dream. It is now our reality.

I probably say that I love you a lot. That's because I love you a lot.

I probably imitate you a lot. I'm trying to be like you.

Thank you, papito.

Thank you for being in my life.

Thank you for making me the happiest woman in the world.

I don't have enough English to tell you how much I love you.

But I love you very very very much.

You have asked me a couple of times why I love you.

I'll answer.

I love that you are you.

I love that you show me the real you.

I love that I am the only one to access this part of you.

I love to be the only one to have the real version of you.

I love you.