Write A Prisoner

38

August 5th, 2022

Today is my birthday and I am desperately waiting for Randy to call or send a message. He's been super quiet last month and it's getting real hard to deal with. I know he was transferred to another facility because I checked that information on the DOC website. But the drop of communications is getting too long and it gets me a bit worried. 

I know nothing bad happened to him but I feel weird about us. About him. I can't explain that but my heart feels him different. I know something changed in his heart regarding our relationship. I can feel it. I just don't know what it is exactly. But I need to hear his voice.

August 6th, 2022

I wake up with an empty Jpay inbox. It makes me sad. What if he's just moved on ? What if his feelings were not as strong as he said they were ? What if he just wasn't sincere from the beginning ? What if he got bored and decided to ghost me ? I can't help but to overthink. We don't go weeks like that with zero interaction. I send him message at least every two days. And he somehow always manages to call me. Why are things different this time ? Are we over ? 

September 2nd, 2022

wassup lil shorti,
I ain't gone lie I've been avoiding you due to the fact that I didn't like how you were flirting wit a nigga that called himself my brother. I felt like that was the most disloyal shit ever! like the phone call conversation was cool because I asked him to call you and relay a message for me but for you then to add him on jpay and write him a long ass email and send him pictures and a prepaid stmaps was just too much and I didn't appreciate that shit at all. first of y'all if you mine, nobody else should have no intimate access to you but me. then you got dude goofy ass going around the joint telling everybody he took my bitch and all type of shit. dude was never my brother,or a close friend. that was just a ploy for you to think he was somebody important to me, his words not mine. only reason I even had him write you and call you on my behalf is because he was the seg swamper and he's the only one who had access to contacting you for me. and by me getting shipped to a new facility I couldn't even treat him, behind all the snake shit. he really believed you wanted him and I think you did until you realized he was nothing like me. you were willing to jeopardize something we've been building for years for somebody you only had one conversation with was mind boggling too me "like' she was really willing to leave a king for a peasant??? i was like any American female would look at you like you was the dumbest person in the world to leave me for dude but I know you a foreigner and I dont think you knew better. and then when I tired calling you several times and you didn't answer I was like awee she really tryna avoid me so she must really be locked in wit dude so in my heart I just let you go. I was hurt, in my head I was like " I've been telling her how people would ask me who my main was and I didn't know how to answer but let her kno she was fighting for the number one slot and then she gone throw All of it away for a stranger" smh. wat really made me question your loyalty is when I called you and told you how I felt and you just abruptly said "I have to goo!" then I had my cousin text you right after to tell you how i felt about you conversing so intimately wit dude and that same day you ended writing him on jpay anyway tryna build. then I got shipped out to a new facility that same day.
I wasn't receiving emails from you for weeks so I was like she broke bad on me so I just let you go in my heart , so by the time I started getting emails from you again I was already at peace with you not being in my life no more, so I just ignored them, I was like" hell naw I ain't calling her, she better tell dude to call her because she betrayed me and I don't allow nobody bac in my life that abandoned me. in all honesty I didn't know you were still sending me emails because when I got transferred to a new facility a lot of my mail got mixed up and didn't come with me so when I just got out of the hole(technically I'm still in the hole I'm just in house seg, so I got all my property). I read all the emails that I never seen and that's why I'm sending you this email to give you an explanation, you deserve that.

I don't know what is pissing me off the most. The "you deserve that" or the whole message. Damn Randy.