Write A Prisoner

17

June 4th, 2020

Well first it's good to hear from you again :-) I wanted to send you a lil message at times but idk I felt like it was inappropriate so...

But I accept your apologies, maybe we both needed time to think about all that happened. To be completely honest with you, I was sad that you decided to distance yourself from me because I really liked "us". I won't pretend I understood your reaction because I didn't and still don't. But I'm glad you're not mad :-) 

Now if you ever want to call then please do. My only question is : do you miss me or did you fail to replace ?

Honestly ? I knew he would come back. I knew it wasn't over. I couldn't tell when but I knew this time would come. I guess his pride got hurt somehow. I knew he needed time to handle the whole situation. That's why I've always kept him a place in my heart.

Wen, look I'm not even going to lie to you. I decided to distance myself from you because I felt like you liked the other guy more than me and I guess I was a lil jealous tbh. But deep in my heart, I didn't want things to end at all. My feelings were just hurt and I couldn't sit back and communicate with you while having this pain in my heart. I just couldn't phony kick it. The easiest way to avoid that was to cut ties with you. But me saying goodbye in the fashion I did had me sadddd asf. I was being stubborn and I didn't know what else to do :-( Everytime I heard that Ynw Melly song, I thought of you, no lie.

To answer your question : I really did miss you and your presence in my life. It has nothing to do with failling to replace you because I have a lot of females I can talk to. It's more so realizing that what we shared was rare asf !! When I talk to other women, it just wasn't the same in a sense. Like we had so much shit in common, I've never met someone who related to me on so many levels like you do. And it was heartbreaking knowing that you didn't feel the same... I thought about reaching out to you several times but my stubbornness deterred me from doing so... 

I want you to listen to this song called "girl of my dreams" by Rod Wave. It kind of mirrors how I felt and still feel. Tell me what you think.

Hopefully all of this helps you understand why I acted the way I did.

Randy

One thing is sure, I missed his texts. There is something so much attractive about a man talking about his emotions. It's so sexy. I love that he feels confident enough to mention so deep feelings. I love that he opens himself up to me.  Damn that's fucking HOT. And that's the first time someone dedicates me a song. Girl of my dreams... Let's say I don't get the message. It gets me nervous as hell...

Let me tell you something. When I found your profile, I sent you a message with no hesitation because I saw me in you. And then I found his profile and I decided to add him on jpay cause I was triggered by something and I wanted to give myself some time to decide whether to talk to him or not. So it was you before him. I chose you first. I "picked" you. The thing is he saw my name on his contact list so he reached me. Not me. but I would talk with you more than him, especially because you and I could have real conversations on the phone and tbh, at some point, I felt really close to you cause idk I could hear you, your laugh, etc. and at that point, like when we started talking on the phone, I kinda had a crush on you, like a little but idk I thought I was just another girl to keep you company so I didn't know how to feel, I was confused. and I know you said I was "special" etc but I just thought that was something you would say to every girl you talk to since you told me you were talking to other women so I didn't really take it personal... 

Just to say I've never valued him over you or vice versa. Things were just different with both of you.

Now, your goodye message *OMG*. Made me sooo sad, I wanted to call you right away to talk about it but I couldn't lol. It's funny because my mind somehow linked that melly song to your voice so I really just stopped listening to it, I literally deleted it from my playlist because I had to let you go...

This being said, I now understand how you felt. But I was hurt because I felt like you blamed me for something that I couldn't even control. Just like when you said I wasn't opening up to you as much as you'd like. That's just something not natural for me, I need time to get that comfortable, that's all.

Now, about the song, I loooove it lol. It sounds like you. But I get the message, I'm sorry if I broke your heart :-( I don't want you to think I'm a player because I'm not. I just wish you could see us the way I do.

But Randy I don't want us to become strangers. I don't know how things will go between us but just know that I missed you.

June 8th, 2020

I wanna hear your voice ma !! I'm going to call you soon ! I want some updated photos of you though, so please send me some new pictures. And if you want to see some updated pictutes of me, just go to my facebook : Randal Jamell Corey. 

It's good to know you didn't value dude over me but I don't even really care anymore and I don't want us to waste time talking about another man.  But when I told you that you were special, I meant that I valued you over other women I was talking to. I was really crushing on you hard asf once upon a time. But we're in the rebuilding process as of now.

Randy

June 15th, 2020

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABEEE !! I wish I could hug and kiss and rideee you ahah anyway I wanted to make a long ass speech but I think you already know how I feel. Just know that I love you :-) I hope you'll get this at the right time lol with all of that time difference... Have a nice day Jay :-))

Thanks babe, we will get to all of that soon as I get out love :-) I love you too, thanks for the picture !! I can't wait to hear your sexy voice I might be able to call tonight if I get some money on the phone ! But anyways I hope you're doing good, thanks againg for the wishes, love you !!

June 24th, 2020

I've sent Jay a couple of messages but he hasn't answer. I'm being a bit nervous because I hate this type of situation where I don't know what is going on. It's even worse with this Covid problem because I know  nothing about his living conditions, like if he has access to masks, tests and all these things. 

I just hope he's fine...