Write A Prisoner

39

September 3rd, 2022

I spent the whole night writing this message. I re-read it at least a hundred times to make sure I forgot no details. Randy really knows how to piss me the fuck off sometimes damn he's lucky I love him.

First, I didn't send no one pictures. I only thanked him for taking the time to call me. I also said that he could ask me for help if needed. I did that because you said he was your brother, which I assumed was someone trustworthy. Plus you told me he was getting out in September and that I could potentially give his contact to my friends. Am I supposed to introduce someone I don't even know to my friends ? It's a no for me. About the prepaid stamp, lol is that really a thing ? "omg she gave him a prepaid stamp she wanna fuck with him" lol ? How do shit works if I can't even trust the people that YOU give access to me ? I can send you the message I sent if that helps you sleep but then again I was only thankful. Now it's up to you to take it as something else. The thing is YOU gave the guy access to me in a way that he considered intimate enough to make shit up about it. Just for example, when my acc got blocked and I texted your cousin to let you know it was blocked, he didn't take it as a flirt or whatever. Because it wasn't the case and that shit was clear for both of us. Anyways. Are you really blaming me for your "brother" thinking he took "your bitch" ? Is it my fault Randy ??? Like I told you I was just trying to be nice, what could I possibly add to make you get it ?

"Dude was never my brother or a close friend" Then why telling me the opposite ?? Do you think I'm gonna act the same in front of your brothers and acquaintances ? If you say the guy is my brother, OF COURSE I'll be like ok I can trust him because my man trusts him. It's like sending your worst enemy to me and saying he's family. And what is it for ? Testing me ? Again ? After everything we been through ? Are you fucking serious ? The best part is that you apparently believed him at some point. Like is you for fucking real right now. I don't even know him and I don't care like how can you sincerely believe that shit ??? We've talked about me moving to the US just to be with you and you honestly think I can jeopardize all of that for someone irrelevant ? Lol are you serious.

Also, yes you tried to talk and yes I didn't answer because in all honesty I was just hurt that you thought I was messing with the guy. Actually I'm just realizing now that you never really trusted me. I trust you. I trusted you enough to let myself be less cautious around someone I thought was important to you. Lol I guess "any American female" would call me "the dumbest person in the world" :-) but then if (after all these years) I'm still fighting for "the number one slot" who else is fighting lol. When asking the same I always say that I'll be able to see my boo very soon but well that's not what my boo says apparently :-)

When you called and I said I have to go I really had to go, I was at work and I couldn't leave for too long. You were talking about the guy and I didn't understand if you were asking if he already called or not. I didn't have enough time to explain what happened, that's why I sent you a message after to talk about that. But then again do you read my messages, who knows. Your cousin then texted me saying you were mad, I just didn't understand. I thought he was just exposing your doubts but I didn't know that's how you really felt. I didn't even know it would end up like this. I then sent you another message when I asked you not to let people contacts me because they would take my kindness for seduction, which would eventually gets you mad. I felt and still feels like you didn't protect me Randy. You always say that I'm pure and everything, well you should protect that from people. How could I ever imagine me thanking your friend would end up as him screaming I got your bitch to the world.

I haven't stopped writing you every week since you got in the hole. I didn't know you had been moved to another facility until I got several calls from a new number. It wasn't your voice on the voicemail so I didn't pick up because I thought it was one of your friends and I wanted to avoid any more misunderstanding of my intentions.

I don't know what you think but I am at peace with myself because I know I never betrayed you. I never forgot you neither, I thought you did at some point so well it's weird but I'm happy to know you're alive lol. Not gonna lie, it hurts to have your loyalty questioned again lol. It really hurts. It's really not easy to love you, but I love you.

I hope this helps you see things from a different perspective. If you ever want to call, please don't. I just won't be able to talk until I know how you feel about all this, about me and about us. And I'm sad.

Still, stay safe
<3

That's really the longest message I ever sent him. I really needed to expose my truth regarding this whole situation. I can't believe he's been hating me the whole summer while I was sending messages. This is wild lol. But that other dude ? I wish him nothing but the WORST in his life. I really gives zero fucks. "I got your bitch". Dumb ass nigga see that's why I kinda hate men. They be acting stupid all the fucking time. Like damn nigga. Act like you been here before.