Here All Along

chapter - 3

That's all I ever wanted, really; for Win to say my name if ever asked who loved him the most.

.....

Two weeks after my birthday, phi Earth told me he was going out with a girl in his class. I didn't have to pretend to be surprised because I was not a boy of vivid expressions anyways. Win and perhaps aunt Irin were the only people who knew how did I look like when smiling or how my brows curled while I sulked. This nonchalance (that Win cracked as the secret of my growing popularity at school) was never intentional. Growing up, i faced a variety of responses to my lack of better expression.

Children at playschool in Chirang would tear up if paired with me. I remembered I used to get embarrassed, thinking I smelled bad but I realised it later it were the blankness of my eyes and passivity in my spirit that scared them.

My parents grew tired of asking me to speak more but something about the dead air in my house always silenced me.

People in school at Naurburi were afraid of me. Perhaps, it was the coldness in my demeanour or the image of the most intelligent but vain prodigy. Nobody talked to me much and after Win grew up big enough to go to school, it stopped bothering me too.

Win was different. He never seeked for more from me. He tried to know me within the devices he had, the expressions i displayed. May be it was because we spent all the time together or may be because he put his efforts, Win understood my silences better than others could guess the meaning of my words. Ironically, that only made me want to open up to him more.

"Anyways, she has a friend who likes you. Are you interested?" Phi Earth's voice pulled me from my thoughts.

I was startled. It was new. Nobody in school liked me except phi Earth and Win and a few teachers. Feared, yes but liked? I could not help but get curious.

"What's her name?" I asked.

"Milk. She's cute, you'll like her."

The name didn't ring a bell but did I even know anybody in the school. I shrugged clueless.

"I don't know. What do people even date for?" I asked lamely.

Phi Earth rolled his eyes, "teenagers date for flexing and for losing their virginity."

"Yeah no" I said, "don't see why is it even a thing to brag about."

"Oh come on, you can't have all the fun hanging out with a kid all the time."

"I actually have a lot of fun with him, thank you" I said, a tad offended and he laughed, patting my back.

"She's in your class by the way, bye."
...

At the weekend, my grandparents had to go for a wedding and they were suspicious they couldn't return back until midnight. Under such circumstances, i would often sleep over at Win's home and that night was not any different. Except when we were eating at the table, Win kept glaring at me. I thought I over analysed his decision to not sit next to me but turned out, i was right. He seemed off and i hoped it was only because there was broccoli in supper and nothing more serious.

"Bright has a girlfriend" he finally declared and i almost choked on water.

"Win" aunt Irin chided him, "how many times have I told you to call him phi. He's older than you."

Win scoffed, "did you not hear me mom? He is having a girlfriend!! We're not supposed to have girlfriends before we turn sixteen."

"Is that true Bright?" Aunt Irin asked, pursing her lips in a thin line and had i not been startled, i would have thought that she was trying not to smile.