Here All Along

chapter - 18

I only prayed I wouldn't kill him.

...

I moved Win aside. Luke lifted his chin in a challenge before I pranced towards him and struck him hard. He stumbled before I dashed him to a wall. He hissed in pain and sprang towards me. My hands grabbed the collar of his shirt and I pulled him sharply, my eyes spitting fire against his. My chest heaved for air and the the faces of the boys I hit in Naurburi high flashed before my eyes. How I beat them and became a monster in front of everyone. How aunt Irin looked at me disappointed, how Win cried and how everyone including mom believed Win was reason behind my wildness. It occured to me in a snap of a moment that if I hit Luke too, Win would probably blame himself which would be worse than blaming me. I didn't want him to stop dating in future because he had an over possesive friend.

"Bright no..." I heard my favourite voice behind me, slow but not afraid. Firm but not unkind. He still had a hope in me. I felt Win's hand on my back and my grasp on Luke's shirt loosened. I could feel my surroundings again. The heat wasn't that overwhelming anymore.

"Stay. Away. From. Win" I whispered lowly and let Luke go, storming towards the restroom before anger could get the best of me.

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I splashed water on my face a several times until my skin felt icy cold. I rasped for air, leaning against the basin. I still could not believe I had controlled myself at last. How did I do it, I had no idea. I heard a rattling sound on the other side of the door before Win sprinted in.

"You okay?" He asked worriedly, pulling me in a hug and it was only then did I realise I was shaking. I hugged him back and nodded against his shoulder.

"He was lucky you stopped me" I muttered under my breath and he cupped my face in his hands.

"Look at me?" He asked. I did. His eyes kept flicking to both of mine worriedly, searching for any discomfort. But I had none, now that he came.

"I'm here Bright" he said, "and you are here. We will be fine."

I nodded, smiling weakly as his warm hands touched my cold wet cheeks.

It was working and my heart gradually slowed down.

"Thank you Bright for walking away from there."

"Why do you always date assholes?" I asked, "you really think that's all you deserve?"

He chuckled lightly before wiping my wet face with his sleeves. I leaned back, saying his shirt will be dirty but he didn't let go.

"I don't know" sighed he, "But Gorya definitely deserves more than sitting there confused and alone. You should go."

I stared at him in silence. There was just the two of us and i was still high on adrenaline and jealousy. Perhaps that was the reason why I splayed his hand against my cheek and whispered ever so slowly like I was spilling the biggest secret of my life.

"But I want to be with you..."

I said it and prayed that he heard everything I couldn't say.  It was the farthest i could go without breaking in tears. It was the closest I had ever come to confess my feelings. It was as simple as that really. I wanted to be with him. And i wished he understood the weight of those simple words. But Win was Win and for him, anything coming from my mouth wouldn't mean anything what friends aren't supposed to say.

He laughed, "I'm fine, really. We can hang out later at my dorm. You should go now. I also need some time alone."

I wasn't talking about just hanging out but didn't correct him. Instead, I nodded, forcing him to promise he'd be fine before walking out of the restroom.