Here All Along

chapter - 13

Win jumped down from the bus and sprang towards me. I laughed, stumbling back with the force of his hug. I hugged him back tightly and ruffled his hair while every cell of my body swelled with joy. He crawled closer in my embrace like he used to when he was an infant and I stroked his back. I could see the sky was closer and the world around us, somehow so colourful like a garden of butterflies. We broke the hug after a minute or so and stared at each other, laughing stupidly before he pushed me playfully.

"I hate you" he sighed but I drew him nearer.

Brushing a strand of his hair aside, i said, "I missed you too."

He pushed me again and i couldn't help but laugh, dragging him towards mom's car that i had parked.

"Are you hungry?"

"I'm starving.."

"Let's go eat something first" i said, starting the car, noticing the way he squinted his eyes suspiciously.

"Don't worry. I have the geography of this town on the tip of my tongue."

He laughed shamelessly, "i wasn't thinking about that."

"Oh you were" i said, earning an explicit giggle before we drove off.

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When we came back home, it was already five in the evening. Because of her counselling sessions, mom had started coming home early. I insisted Win to settle in first and then, we could meet mom at dinner but he refused, saying he should greet her first before parasiting in her house for a week. I did not like how he said the word parasite but didn't say so.

It was awkward to see the awkwardness between mom and Win with him trying to be too polite and mom trying not to be too much the opposite of it. I remember the argument we had the previous day regarding Win....

"Bright!" Mom had exclaimed, barging in my room, "why are you getting the extra bed arranged in you room?"

"Because Win is coming" I said slowly, "we discussed about this, didn't we?"

"I thought you said he was thinking about it."

"Well, he made his mind."

"Why are you doing this?" She had interrupted sharply, "he is not good for you Bright."

I shut my laptop before jostling up from the chair.

"Don't you like him?" I asked calmly in an attempt to hide my frustration.

"I don't" she snapped, "i don't like him at all."

I was surprised at her blatant confession.

"Why?" I asked in confusion.

She stepped close to me and i could see the stark glint of aversion in her eyes. A strong dislike for the person who was the subject of our conflict.

"Because he is the reason you almost killed someone. Twice."

My lips parted in utter shock of the knowledge that even after years, she was still the same. I was twenty two now and yet, it immediately felt like my mother had not grown all these years. Not when it concerned with her outlook on her child's mistakes from years ago.

I wanted to yell at her. Had I been like her, reminding her of all the grave mistakes she made in her life, she would have locked herself in a place where i could not reach her. But I did not do that. I did not probe her history, i did not trigger her past memories she tried to dodge. I did not remind her of the monster she might have been at some point of her life. I was not like her. I had some humane emotions in me and unlike any ideal son, i refused to give credits to mom. How could I? If i had any sensitivity in me, it was a gift from aunt Irin.