Here All Along

chapter - 38

A/n: I have to say this. Like I fell in love with this story, I also fell in love with how it is received so warmly by so many readers. Trust me. Your comments, messages, tweets, upvotes and even silent readings make me as happy as my updates probably make you feel. And thank you for stopping by in my dms with your kind as well as hilarious messages. I love you guys😂❤️
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The next morning, I woke up to the empty place beside me where Win was sleeping last night. My head spinned a little and there was a sweet ache ringing through my body. But nothing a lukewarm shower couldn't fix. I realised I was naked and that was when the memory of previous night streamed down upon me. A raw fear coursed through my blood. I jostled out of my bed, put my boxers on and looked around for Win. He was not in the kitchen or balcony or washroom. There was no trace of him in my apartment. Almost as if he hadn't been lying beside me whole night. Almost as if it was just a dream and he wasn't really there last night. Panicking, i called his number.

It was switched off.

"Fuck!" I grunted, holding my head in pure agitation and putting my clothes on so i could go to his place and talk to him. I would be lying if I say i hadn't prepared myself for this disaster. Nevertheless, it still hurt just the same. Amidst all the rustle, i found a flimsy note sticked to the top of the nightstand where i had kept the lube last night.

I'm sorry Bright. I think i need some time. Don't try to contact me. Take care. I'll come back to you. I promise.

I do not remember how long did i stare at the note. Perhaps for hours until i was hungry and sleepy and very tired and everything was ceasing to make sense and i went back to sleep.
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Days passed in their own pace. I tried to contact Win, much to his disliking perhaps, for the first few days. I called phi Earth to ask if Win was staying at his place. I called phi Mixie in case Win had forced phi Earth to lie. However, she assured me that Win was not with them. I called his dad (and confidently believed Win was in Naurburi) who gave me the same disappointing answer. I couldn't pry further because it would only worry his dad more. It also occured to me that he might be staying with Kavin but i had no strength to bear it in case it was true so i resisted confirming it with Kavin.

Of course that was until Kavin himself showed up at my door a month later.

"Are you free?" He asked, as I clicked my door open. I was startled to see him and my heart was wild just by the curiousity of what he brought with him. Did Win send him? Was he fine? Was he eating well? Did he know how his agency was trying to reach out to him? I was dying to hear him talk all about Win's whereabouts. But i barely showed any of my feelings on my face. It was unusually calm.

"Do you want to have a coffee or anything?" I asked plainly after he sat in the sofa.

"I'm good."

I nodded. It was the first time i was seeing him after aunt Irin's burial ceremony which was almost an year ago. He had grown more buff and handsome since then.

"Where is Win?" He asked, finally.

My heart sank as i heard him. I was filled with trepidation just with the thought that even Kavin did not know where he was.

Was Win okay?

"I thought he was with you" i said.

He scowled as if what I said had offended him.

"Why would he be with me? We broke up."

I nodded, little guilty of hurting him like that. 

"We were taking a break" he sighed, "I thought he needed some space after what happened with his mom. He broke up with me but I tried getting back together. But about a month ago, he came to meet me. He said I should stop hoping for good because he didn't see us going somewhere. He also admitted that he slept with someone else and I didn't ask who because i didn't even want to know."

And then, slowly he mumbled, "may be i already know."

I closed my eyes. Win's impulsive attitude was putting both of us in a very uncomfortable place.

"I'm sorry" was all I said and meant.

"Don't think for a moment that i am being too nice to not punch you in the face" he snarled, looking up, "i just don't want to hurt Win."

I did not reply. His threats didn't scare me. Nor they flattered. My mind was clouded by the anxieties of Win's wellbeing.

"Did he say where he was going?" I asked, my eyes bent on the floor.

"No. I think he's staying over a friend's but it shouldn't matter to me anymore."

"Not much mattered to you even when you were together" i blurted and immediately realised it was an idiotic thing to say.

"Really?" He scoffed, glaring at me.

I returned his heated gaze, "he needed you Kavin. You weren't there for him."

"I had my own priorities. That didn't mean i did not care about him."

And then when i did not answer him, he took a deep breath before standing abruptly.

"I loved him okay?" he said impatiently, "he was important to me but the problem is he wants everyone he meets to chase the bar you have set in his life. And that's not possible Bright because you put him before yourself and let's be honest, not everyone has that unhealthy state of mind."

I was silent. What was there to say? He was not wrong and i had no explanation for the way things were.

"You know what" he sighed in annoyance, "you two have the most complicated relationship I've ever seen and now I'm out of it. I bet he wouldn't even care."

I wanted to tell him to give me a call if or when Win contacted him but realised it would only provoke him more.

Kavin left. I sighed and flopped into my bed. Life had been feeling pretty mundane lately and i was always tired. I checked my phone, there was no message from Win. I swiped my finger across his smiling face in the home screen before throwing the phone aside. A yet another day passed with me sleeping on the hope of waking up to Win's touch on my shoulder, unlike the cold and dry wind.

🖤🤍

A/n :

Bad news : The next chapter might be the most angsty one in the entire story (at least for me).

Good news : you know how they say dawn comes after the darkest moment of the night, right?