Here All Along

chapter - 34

A/n : AdamBright enthusiasts brace yourselves

Wrote this chapter after high dose of "This love" by Taylor Swift. You could listen to it while reading.

...

Aunt Irin was discharged from the hospital the next morning. They all returned to Naurburi the same day at noon, Win as he had told me the previous night, went with them. It was a painful seperation. I had promised aunt Irin to visit every once in a while even though what i truly wished for was to stay with her until the day there was no need to. But that's just life - moving forward knowing there's something behind that adds a little more meaning to life.

Win and i did not talk at all after our rather vague conversation about our love lives. He was too dejected to utter a word and I was, the same magnitude, stunned. It was the closest Win had come to say he felt the same way about me (or may be had started to). I didn't know, i could only infer from what he implied. And it came to me as shock because when did he really start feeling that way? Why couldn't i see? He only told me he'd rather us have a quiet space than fill it with awkward nods and forced exchanges. It was good he was going away for some time. He did not even spare me a glance before they left, although i did see his eyes glistening at the corners before he tried to wipe secretly.

My eyes stung badly, watching the pall of dust swirling in the air as their car left. I was all alone standing at the gate of their condominium, it's keys gnawing against the palm of my hand. Even today, i have no account of how did i reach to Adam's apartment that evening. I just remember my legs ached from all the walking for hours and eyes were red as Adam pointed out, hair unkempt and lips quivering nothing that he could make sense of. Later in life, i was told it was one of the anxiety attacks I've had but at that moment, it was but the sudden eruption of a deep longing spurred by Win's departure but mostly his words before we parted.

"Your phone was switched off. I called you so many times. Where were you all day? How's Win's mom?" Adam showered me with his questions.

I only stared at him, wondering what would happen if there were no Adam in my life and no Kavin in Win's.

Would we have been together, then?

I told him everything about aunt Irin's condition and that they finally returned back home. The news shocked him, as it had everyone of us.

"Are you okay?" He asked, sitting next to me in the bed.

His hands, often warm and big on mine, seemed too big that day. His gaze always soft on me, felt hard to be under that day and his love that he was finally speaking about seemed to hurt so much.

Suddenly, I could not stop myself from harping on the idea of the day I will be alone and Win will be alone and we two could be alone together. If Win was indeed falling for me but holding himself back because of our boyfriends, I wanted to be stupid enough to let mine go.

How could I still be with someone else knowing there might be a chance (slimmer than the possibility of dinosaurs coming back to existence but it was still a chance nonetheless) that someday, Win would want me.

And if Win would ever want me, i wanted to be there for him, alone and with a space beside me that must not be taken by anybody else, not even a man so perfect in all ways like Adam. Was i pathetic? Was i a hopeless case? Was i too stupid?

I didn't know. Not much of the knowledge matters anyway when you are in love.

"Bright..did something happen to you? You seem... confused."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head, blinking hard to avoid the prickling in my eyes.

"I'm more clear in head than i had been in a long time" i mumbled, glancing at him.