Here All Along

chapter - 8

A/n: a long chapter ahead
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The first few days in Chirang were silent and confusing. For a week, i did not get out of my room except for the meals. The discussion of what my academic life from now would be was yet to happen, probably by the end of my second week there whenever dad would have been free. My results from the final terms were not out yet and i was to prepare for an application in one of the colleges in Chirang.

There was a small library down the street where I started going at evenings and stayed till the darkness unfurled. It was the only part of the day that I liked. With books around me and eyes that were not on me, i would feel okay.  Sometimes, i would get stuck in the muddled roads and alleys of the town while wandering and would have to ask strangers for help. It would embarrass me a little especially when they would ask where was I heading and I'd reply, home.

I realised soon that dad would come home late night. They were not working at the same hospital anymore. Mom had started drinking. When I asked her since when and why, she gave a reckless shrug in a reply. 

At dinners, there would only be me and mom, with her trying to strike small talks. She would ask me questions about my life in Naurburi which I would dismiss in the most polite way I could. I was not being rude. Naurburi was my safe haven. I had no will to let my parents blemish what was a pleasant memory in my mind by letting them in. Besides, it is not unreasonable if the child you abandoned for years, does not come running in your arms when you bring him home. I needed time to get used to the palpable coldness of my house and mom's endeavours to replace it with some warmth. In any case, i was glad that she was trying. Dad however, seemed to have given up on this family.

And how was i doing? Okay, I guess. I missed Naurburi. The clear blue sky and crystal white lake. Aunt Irin's soft humming while she dried her hair under sun. Grandpa's poor attempts to entertain grandma. Taking care of a nuisance...

I missed my life when it felt like a life. And i missed it so much that i wanted nothing more than wanting to lose my way back to home someday and never return. But I always did. I could not leave mom alone. I had to learn to take care of her. Win...i believed he would learn to take care of himself too.
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Two years passed.

I was doing well in college. Socially, i was on the same ladder as in Naurburi except there were two classmates, Nani and Dew, who i made acquaintance with solely for the purpose of getting on with the college stuffs smoothly. I was not a talker and was grateful they would supply me any significant information that one could only get from sitting in social circles. They were amiable, funny if you please, but I maintained the distance whenever I could and joined at lunches whenever they asked.

Win was sixteen now and (as phi Earth liked to tease him) the heartthrob of his school. I was the first person who he told about joining the swimming club of the school. I was exhilarated and he, grateful. He asked when was I planning to make a visit to which i replied honestly that college was more hectic than we had seen in movies. It was not that I hadn't tried but things at college and home kept me preoccupied. For some reasons, i was apprehensive of leaving mom alone as her drinking habits worsened.

However, for the past few days, i was brooding on the thoughts regarding this matter which only elevated after the following incident.

One day, as i was readying to sleep, i got a call from phi Earth and i smiled, recieving the phone.

I felt disappointed at finding it was actually phi Earth not Win. We talked for some time about our lives, just casual, random stuffs about things.  He told me he got in Bangkok University and most probably would move there the next month. I asked if he had told Win to which he affirmed. He was worried about Win.