Here All Along

chapter -11

Life went on. I was in senior year now and my time at library doubled the usual. Hours I'd spend browsing through media firms for internships or if not that, submitting my stories to various small publishing houses, hoping to get at least one mail of acknowledgment, if not appreciation. So far, the outcomes were minimal. Win had suggested to take the help of Nani and Dew in arranging some small gatherings for short tales recitation in and around regular spots of college students. He was persistent I should attend more to public events and less to extremely private events where only Win would be the listener. He said i deserved more and it felt too good to refuse even if i wasn't sure that was true. 

Mom and I had stepped a level above in our relationship. Now, we did not meet only once a day (which was on dinners) but twice. Mom had started to come to my room once she'd be back from work and ask me how my day went and all. I was surprised at first but then got used to giving one word replies and asking her the same after which we'd become silent and sit tensed until one of us would lie about having too much work or feeling sleepy and she'd leave. 

I had thought a lot about what Win said in the car the day he returned to Naurburi (which was five months ago). I wanted to work things out with my parents and especially mom because dad did not ever show any inclination to us at first place. But I kept procrastinating things because I was not sure. Sure of what? Win has
asked and i had no answer to it. So i decided to do whatever I could.

One night after mom came back from work, she did not come to my room and had her dinner brought to hers.

"Mom?" I gently knocked the door, "can i come?"

She let me in with a quite perplexed frown and we sat in silence.

"How was your day? I parroted from our daily ritual except i was actually concerned.

"It was tiring.." she said carefully, "uhm, yours?"

"Good" i replied and that was our cue to shut up now.

But I spoke, "I don't have classes tomorrow. Do you want to do something together?"

She looked off guarded. I wouldn't have blamed her.

"Oh? S-sure" she stammered, "what do you want to do?"

"I don't know" i admitted lamely.

"We could watch a movie" she suggested, "a friend gave me a list of age of coming movies youngsters like these days.. i - i thought I could watch one with you someday."

I wanted to ask why hadn't she asked me already but I was afraid of saying anything that could turn it into an argument or typical blame game so i decided against and just nodded before lying that I had work and hurried out of her room.

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The next day, it was past ten at night when I heard mom's faint voice downstairs. The arrangement of our house was such that my room was upstairs next to the kitchen, separated by corridors while the ground floor of the house consisted of a giant hall fencing the living room, the main bedroom, a spare room (and now dad's, for the last ten years or so) and the housekeepers' lodge (where phi Mia was living with her younger brother). I waited for half an hour to get a call from mom so we could watch a movie as we planned but when i did not, i went to her room.

She was lying on her bed in a messy heap of limbs and her eyes were red and cheeks, moist. When she saw me, she sat up on the bed before wiping her eyes.

"Hey" her hoarse voice sounded tired.

"Are you okay?" I asked and she said yes.

"I thought we were going to watch a movie...."