Here All Along

chapter - 10

A/n: double updates coz I'm extra grateful to you all today. 😶🙈

..

The rest of the days Win stayed in Chirang were lovely days, almost perfect like the ones in Naurburi. Carefree, tranquil, busy (may be) and at times, low than other days but what mattered was the smile that he showed me before going to bed every night.

Of all the things about Win's smile that i loved, this was the biggest - when he smiled, it was impossible not to smile back at him. No matter how tired I was, how dejected, how gloomy. All it took was a slight strech of a pair of lips and two crescent moon eyes and my soul would rise to dance on its feet. As long as he smiled. As long as he was happy. That's all it took for things to fall in place. It was also one of those things i kept to myself and to the secret pages of my diaries. It's not like he didn't know. I was too fond of his smile that it couldn't have not made to his observation. But what he knew was only a fraction of that feeling. And that too because of a random admission of it when we were small kids.

"I like your smile" i had said once in Naurburi. And then he had laughed sweetly, putting on different kinds of smiles and asking, "This one? Or this one?"

I had flushed and ended the conversation then and there.

Years passed, the keen liking of his smile stayed firm in my heart, rendering that bright, sincere smile to be the shield to protect me from all the darkness I'd ever encountered or would. It was absurd how his smile was what i loved the most about Win but it was the one i least talked about. Perhaps never. I guess i was afraid it would tell him more than it should.

I sometimes wish I could change it. To go back in time and ask him to smile so that i could smile back too because it was impossible not to smile back when he was smiling at me.

.
.
.
.

The day came when Win had to return to Naurburi. I had skipped classes to drive him off to the bus terminal and had i owned normal parents, may be they'd have scolded me for being too reckless with my studies but dad would hardly be home those days to even notice and mom.. well she never said things even if she felt them. I had never hated anybody's silence more than hers. I admit i was young and angry and her passive efforts to win me back only annoyed me more but I had the courtesy to return the gestures and so i would return all her silences back to her. We did talk sometimes though but it would be too awkward and confusing to call it a normal conversation between mother and son.

Like that time Win was assembling his stuffs in my room and i waited for him outside the house..

"Would you come straight to home or have other plans?" She asked, leaning against the car.

I said that I didn't know yet.

"He's a good kid" mom said after a thick pause, "loves you more than a  brother could."

The cruel intension to say that thing was tangible in her voice. Or may be she did try to be subtle but I was smart. I did not make a comment.

"He is lucky to have a brother figure like you" she emphasized again and this time, i could hear so well how desperate she was to see how would I react. I knew she was not trying to hurt me. In fact, otherwise. But I did not want to prove her motherly instincts right. Even if they were right by all means.

"Stop it mom" i said simply, looking at her.

That was the best I could say, for i didn't want to refuse and I certainly did not want to admit.

She nodded in understanding even though her eyes flared in surprise at my implication.

She hissed in panic, "Bright you can't-"