A Flame From The Past

39: Christmas Tree

Every movement from the front door made me shudder and look up in happiness, but it was never Luca. I hated waiting for him to come home, I hated even being at his home without him. It bored me, especially when Ray went to sleep. I went around his house trying to clean the already cleaned, I organized our shirts, putting them all together then thinking about him one day shimming into one of my shirts. He would look good in one of my dresses, thinking about him made me miss him, more than I wanted to. I had become so reliant on his smile and his joy that I was bored when he wasn't around. Now when I get bored of wandering around his house, I would normally go back to my place, but Ally and Allen were reuniting after their break. I was still confused on the aspect of this break.

But here I was waiting, Luca had won his game in Oregon, and they were on the way back celebrating, meaning getting very drunk. I hadn't seen him in a week, he had been gone since last week, training in some secluded space, with no distractions with his team. And I had missed him like crazy. We called every chance we could, but with his schedule and mine, we barely had time.

I had called him after his big win, cheering was in the background and I had wished that I was next to him, gracing him in a hug and never letting go. I missed him, so I waited, just to see his drunken goofy smile, the feeling of his heated body against mine. He had told me not to wait, he said there was no point. But I had to, I missed him too much.

But now it was three, three in the morning, I felt as if the sun might come up soon. The sun and everyone else, all the people and I'll be fast asleep when he arrives. And to my happiness, my golden happiness the elevator dinged and I rose from the couch as if I had never even thought about sleeping.

I ran to his arms, he was definitely out of it, his eyes were taken aback by the light and he let out this maddened moan, when I braced his arms. He smelled of beer and sweat, and his shampoo, his hands found my face, pulling me towards him. My lips met his as I wrapped my arms around his neck.

"I missed you", I breathed, heavily catching my breath. He smiled, that grin I had missed as I melted in his hands.

His fingers ran against my skin as he kissed my neck, mumbling the words. I suddenly felt something wet against my skin, at first I thought he was really drunk and was drooling on me, but it was coming from his face, his eyes.

"One day I'm going to die", he said, his lips detached from me as he stared at me intensely like my life was in his hands. His voice was quivering on the verge of a breakdown.

"Everybody dies, Luca", I tried telling him, as he looked like he had reached an epiphany.

He held me carefully as he kneeled on the ground, he placed me on his knee, our eyes aligned with each other.

"I want to die married to you, I want to die living a happy life, making you happy every second, I want to be a fucking family", tears rolled down his eyes now as my mind spiraled. He mumbled about how much he loved Ray and I, about how much he hated being away from us. How much he needed us in his life, looks like this time a part this week was nothing but reflection for him. Reflecting enough to come home drunk and ask me to marry him.

"We still have days, you won't die tomorrow", I tried telling him, I knew he wouldn't propose to me drunk. I knew he wouldn't dare to, he knew how I felt and I think he knew I wouldn't want that in our memory book or in our minds.

"But what if I do?" He was bawling now, he was crying into my chest as we stood up, his weight towering onto me. He was a mess, as he held onto me like I was about to leave for the last time.

"What if you die tomorrow? Oh god-", he yelled out, his cries louder than before, he held onto me, making me feel like he almost wanted me to die. But I knew how he felt, that overwhelming feeling of loving someone, but now worrying about them, there's this new worry that sets in.