A Flame From The Past

45: Red and Gold Pt.2

The duffle bag. The colors streaked across from it, all bringing back the same fear into my eyes and I felt Luca looking at me as he hunched over the toilet, hurling more once he realized what I was staring at. He realized the colors, the crimson red, the shiny gold were each in part of why the accident happened. I looked at him suddenly as he was already back on his legs, his eyes veering away from me as he flushed the toilet. His hands moving to the sink, his eyes not even looking up in the mirror, just scrubbing his hands as if to rid the guilt laced on them.

Fear mobilized in my eyes as I watched him wash his mouth in the bathroom and he stalked over as if a thought hadn't even crossed his mind, like he was empty minded, nothing came in and nothing came out. He knew who did it. He had known the name of the man. Did everyone know? Did the news know? Is that why he didn't want me to watch the news? Did Ally know, did Ray know? Did everyone with a cellphone know except for me? I saw that look on his face, so cross, so broken. He wouldn't even look at me without apologizing, he couldn't look at me. It was like he was holding back from letting something go he regretted.

"Luca". I said, softly, my voice coming out in a hum, as he walked towards where his bag was crimson red and a shiny gold highlighted the side, the same red and gold I had just told him about. He knew I had known. The few moments he had looked into my eyes, he knew, he knew that I had to have known, my eyes were only drawn to the bag for such a moment. He couldn't look at me now, his eyes strung somewhere else, somewhere far from here.

He rushed away, his departure leaving me in tears, but he walked slowly as he opened the door, my voice stopping him. He looked behind, as if he felt like he was saving me by leaving, like ridding my life of him would make a difference.

"Luca". I called after him, limply walking across the room, he looked back at me, his eyes rimmed red and swollen. Tears wandered down his face as I looked at him with fear, agony and craze. He needed to tell me before it was too late, he needed to tell me the moment I asked and here was the moment, ready and willing. I was ready and willing to hear what he knew, he was the most disgusted by it, I could only imagine what thoughts ran through his head as he opened his mouth to speak, but nothing he said would ever surprise me.

"I need to know". I said to the officer and Luca, hushedly as the police officer looked over at him, almost asking to give the information, as if I wasn't the one this incident had happened too. The officer glared at Luca as if afterwards the officer thought him and Luca would drink a beer together later and chalk this up to 'women issues'. Anger powered through me as the officer's eyes stayed on him, he was probably more worried about making the star quarterback upset then doing his own fucking job.

"Someone tell me, I'm not some fucking broken kid". I swore, and Luca looked frightened, the cop's eyes still on Luca, waiting to be granted permission. I was the one hurt, not him and the police officer wouldn't even tell me. I was the one that had the scars, a stitch across my head, my arms and legs covered in bruises, and a headache that made me feel like I was falling to my demise.

"I'll find out anyway". I said, trying to make one of them cave, I really didn't care about the dipshit officer in the corner, who didn't even care about me, only Luca. I wanted to hear it from Luca, I wanted to hear the words that pained him so much and I wanted to wash away the guilt he wore so sullenly on his face.

"I have the right to know. Who did it?" I asked the officer, my question always open to the stoned Luca, wallowing by the door, his tears breaking each second, his wall of what he could hold back only growing thinner and thinner. And my wall of how much of this I could take was slipping faster, the walls already too thin.

The officer still looked at Luca, as I repeated the question to Luca, this time the officer seemed at peace, like if Luca answered it he wouldn't upset his new best friend. The officer looked startled as I made my way closer to him, I repeated the question again and it was as if to the officer I was invisible. And to Luca I was the one kept in the dark for some bullshit reason, like my goddamn safety.