My downhill spiral had started, fresh off from Christmas weekend, to see the ring that would've been planted on my hand and a locket I clutched to dearly. I wore the locket around my neck, ever since he had given it to me. I tugged on the locket every time I remembered the stirring feelings beneath my skin that he had created. And I happen to tug on the poor locket so much, swirling it around in my hands, opening the heart and closing it quickly.
I had a couple of days left before I was called back to school, to finish off winter break and start work again. Mariam had volunteered to keep Ray for the weekend, which Layla and Ally had planned for me. And when I speak about this weekend... I mean getting plastered drunk with them. I needed to be free of everything before I went to school and that meant drinking my sorrows away at some club.
Tonight was the night I hoped to figure everything out, hoping the alcohol would provide me some clarity but obviously if I wanted clarity I should've gone to therapy, not a club. I just needed to not think of Luca tonight, because he really was all I could think about at this point, his words, his tears, his promises.
I knew he still loved me and if I ever stopped loving him, you could say there was something entirely wrong with the world. I wouldn't ever stop loving him, that's how difficult this was for me. I wanted him to hang on, I wanted him to stay with me, but I couldn't trust him and he knew this too. No matter how many times we kissed, fucked, no matter how many times we ended back together, couldn't make me regain my trust in him, it needed to happen over time and I felt so much to make a decision, and I didn't want to regret it.
"You just need some time to think... I mean my jackass brother knows what he's missing". Layla said as Ally nodded, lifting her head away from the nail polish fumes, while Layla painted Ally's toenails. I had debated back and forth with both of them if I should really go out tonight, would getting plastered be the right medicine for my unclear broken heart. "Look if you're crying his name by the end of the night then that's your answer and if you fuck someone else then that's your answer". Layla shouted out, trying to settle this all and I knew no matter what I was not fucking, dancing, kissing anyone tonight. Every part of my body was off limits.
"I'm not doing anything with anyone else, I still love him". I said, as they reveled in my admission, of course I didn't say those words to him, but I still loved him. I couldn't even imagine a world where one day I just didn't love him anymore.
"If you still love him, just get back together with him... he's a depressed dweeb". Layla said as if it was that easy.
"She needs to trust him again... look if someone lied to you about something that serious would you trust them?" Ally swore at her as Layla's hand around the nail polish shook for Ally's strong tone. Layla and Ally disagreed as I wondered if I would ever be able to have that trust reestablished between us.
I disappeared into my bedroom, pulling up the black dress I had chosen to wear as I heard them getting ready to leave. I slipped on my heels and looked at myself in the mirror, my hair was pulled into a ponytail and the minimal amount of makeup along with a gloss over my lip, reminded me back to how I was before the accident. Healing from the accident was the hardest, most days I looked into the mirror not even knowing who I was. Most days, it was hard to look at myself in the mirror and see something other than the wreck I had created for myself.
But today I felt myself more instilled in me and as I walked out the door, I felt more like myself than I had in a while.
"Now this is a post-breakup look". I emerged into the middle of Layla and Ally's conversation as they argued about something for the millionth time today, they couldn't be left alone with each other, otherwise they would eat each other alive.
YOU ARE READING
A Flame From The Past
Romance"She was the only flame in his past, the only thing he loved about his past" 7 years fly by as Carina and Luca avoid the magical night they had, that left both of them speechless. But now that they meet in other circumstances, will they continue th...
