A Flame From The Past

57: Selfish Love Pt.1

He gave me a week. A week of unthinkable situations to deal with, he wanted me to ponder if he was who I really wanted. If he was who I needed. And the answer was clear as since the day he had left, I needed him.

I didn't need a week to think about it, I knew the answer before he had even stepped out of the door. But he was giving me time to make sure I was sure that I was set in my decision.

And I had never been more sure. Especially as I looked at my planner for the next day: Friday. Tomorrow was the day I was supposed to go back to school, Luca would be back on Saturday. I was excited to see him, beyond excited. To fall back into the secret I call love with the man I love. And I don't think I had ever stopped loving him. I couldn't stop loving him, not like this.

I missed him, I missed him like crazy. Like the world around me wasn't moving but there he was, beautiful and everything I could've ever wanted. My mind dwelled on our past, not the distinguished past years ago, but our past now. The issues we faced, the lack of trust, it was something we had to work through. But I couldn't leave him be. I knew I needed him, his heart was one I could never get tired of, his compassion, his soul. He was everything I had ever wanted and everything more. He was caring, tender and it had never felt better to be in love with someone.

"Daydreaming again?" Ally asked, as she tweaked at her eyebrows, shaping them perfectly. I looked over at her, as I sat on the tubs ledge. "I am not daydreaming". I said, pulling myself up as she laughed.

"He'll be home in two days, think you can manage?" She asked, looking at me in the mirror as I nodded my head. "I can manage". I said affirming her thoughts.

She smiled, her hand touching the tip of her chin. "I've never lived alone before". She sarcastically said, implying that when Luca and I finally came to be, happy and sound, I would move in with him.

"You're gonna have to wait awhile". I told her and she nodded along.

"Sure".

"I promise you the moment he knows he'll sweep you up and I may just never see you again". She joked, and I assured her that I would be taking it slow with him. I would be paving the way for us, not rushing in to where we picked up. I wanted the first nights over again, the magical smiles but this time we knew we wouldn't make the same mistakes we had done the first time.

"You have a pretty big day tomorrow huh?" She asked me, and I nodded, finishing the longing stare I had taken in the mirror.

"Have you been back?" Ally asked, her voice hesitant glistening on something I hadn't even thought about. The man watched me through my window, he waited for me, he knew the place I had worked, he knew intimate details about my life that no one of his caliber should have known.

"I haven't". She looked over at me unsure of what to say. I had never thought of the unsafe feelings that would barricade my head, my safe place. The school was a place I had had all these years, no matter how many times I had moved. I always had school. Always. Now, I couldn't count on feeling safe, feeling comfortable being there all the time.

I didn't feel comfortable being there at all.

"You'll be okay tomorrow right?" Ally asked, and I nodded my head as she began talking about her latest escapades with Layla. But I mutely responded, my stance not being able to move from the parking lot, the man watching me from across the lot. His death stance rushing to kill me, intentionally harming me.

Ally left to go check on her computer, as she handed me my phone. The messages were bolded from Luca, he was checking in on how I was. And I missed his voice, his scent, his love, especially his love. He suffocated you into his arms, his heart. He was the sun to me, the darkness now disappearing.