Freaky Thoughts

Waiting in Vain

I was busy writing a chapter for my story when my phone rang

Chelsea calling . . . .

And I instantly felt my heart race against my chest.

I took a couple of deep breaths before tapping the green button.

"Hello?" I asked as I answered the call.

"Hi, busy ka later?"

"Hindi naman. I can spare a few hours." I said.

"Oh great. Let's meet?"

I unconsciously smiled, "Yeah sure. Same place?"

"Yep, see you!" she said then ended the call.

After a few seconds of staring at my phone, I remember what happened last week.

We were seated outside of our favorite cafe.

Chelsea was busy in her laptop doing some work. While I just browse through my phone.

Then, I saw the date the today. My gaze shifted to her. It's been 2 years since it happened and I've been observing her lately. She seems to be doing good. 

I got nervous.

Should I tell her?

"Better spill that out rather than staring at me." Chelsea said, her eyes still fixated to her laptop.

I put my phone inside my pocket and started gathering my thoughts. 

"Chels, gusto kong subukan." I told her.

"Ang alin?" she asked.

"Ang ligawan ka."

Her fingers stopped moving midway. Her head slowly turned and her eyes found mine.

Since then, we really haven't talked to each other. I told her that she don't need to answer me right away and she can think about it.

It's been 4 years since I found out that I love her more than just a friend and I've been waiting ever since. She didn't tell me wait though.

And for two years, she dated one guy.

It was a torture for me. Not because I wanted her all be myself but because of how she was treated. But she stayed and gave multiple chances and in the end, he left her. 

She was a mess. The mental torture she got was so great, it drained her. She accepted all the toxicity and settled for the bare minimum.

As her friend, it was hard to see her like that. Letting someone break her piece by piece and I can't even do anything about it.

We always warned her. But she said that he makes her happy somehow. That, it's okay to hurt her over and over again because he makes up for it anyways. That, it's okay let her go whenever he can't handle the situation and then just pick her up whenever he wants to.

It was stressful. I could have just ignored but I can't and I don't want to. I can't give up. If she already give up herself, I won't.

She deserves the world and all the goodness it can offer. I will make sure that she will get it. She'll get what she deserves.

This may sound conceited but, I do believe that I can give it to her. To give the assurance she needs when she doubts herself. To give the love she deserves when she can't love herself. To care for her when she's done caring for others. To be just by her side when she feels that the world is against her.

This may sound a bit stupid but, if she's the type that doesn't easily give up on people who keeps on hurting her. Then, I will be the one to not give up on her.

I arrived at the exact time and my eyes immediately found her. Then, my heart started pounding again.

Okay, whatever will happen, I'm still happy that I fell in love with her. It was the best thing that ever happened to me.

I walked over to her, "Hey." I called.

She looked up from her, "Hi."

The cafe was quite packed so, we moved to a more secluded part.

We sat next to each other. No one attempted to talk for the first few minutes.

"Well, this is a first. Y'know, our first awkward moment." I chuckled nervously.

"Yeah." she mumbled.

"Hey, it's just me, okay? You can still tell me anything." I reassured her.

I heard her let out a breath before facing me, "Okay, um you've been a good friend. You were there when I was at my lowest even though I tried to push you away. You still choose to stay and I really appreciate it. And I just want us to stay as we are right now, friends." she lowered her head, "I'm sorry." I hear her.

"Is it really that hard for you to give me a chance to at least prove myself?"

"Cleo...."

I took a deep breath, "That hurts but I understand. It's just kinda sad, y'know? You were able to give someone unlimited chances but you can't even give me a proper one."

I looked at her. If it's the old her, I bet that she's bawling her eyes out right at this moment. But she's already far from that version of her.

I know, she's sad. I can see it in her eyes. She has grown to this strong person but was able to keep her softness. I'm so damn proud of what she has become.

I opened my arms wide, "Can I  have a hu-----" before I could finish, she pulled me towards her and embraced as tight as she can. I did the same.

I untangled myself after then, cupped her face, looked her deep in her eyes, "Ito yung una at huling beses na sasabihin ko ito na higit pa sa isang kaibigan, mahal kita."

I gave her a warm smile before putting some distance within us.

"Mawawala ko saglit pero babalik din ako. Wag kang malulungkot. Magiging okay din ako." and that was my last words to her before bidding my goodbye.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To whoever is reading this, I hope you're doing well, I hope you're at peace with yourself. Cheers!

Thank you for reading!