"What if my choice is you?" I confess her in the wrong time again. I look into her eyes and observe her expression but I'm way too nervous to know what is going on in her mind.
"Aus-" I cut her again not ready to hear her answer yet. I'm not ready for another heartbreak, if it ever happens.
"Don't tell me your decision now, please, because I don't want you to think that I feel this way just because of my current situation, just because I need a shoulder to cry on during this hard time. I really like you, no matter my emotions at any given moment. So, I'll wait." I gulp down to have a moment. "I'll wait for the moment to prove it to you that I really like you, no matter what."
She listens to me patiently, with her eyes locked to mine. After I was done speaking, she gives a faint and genuine smile, then reducing the distance between our face and leaves a soft kiss on my cheek, giving me the answer I was too worried to hear, through a sweet and warm gesture, giving me butterflies. "I'll wait for that moment with you." I nod, with a smile, at her words which means a lot to me.
We don't break this eye contact for a while. I do not get scared, anymore, to fall deeper in those beautiful eyes. "Should we sleep?" She asks and I nod as my eyes were getting heavier because of how much I had cried for the day. She curls her lips, making me do the same and then hugs me tighter, burying her face again on my chest. "I know it's very hard for you right now and I know no words can actually comfort you but I want you to know that I'll always be there for you," she speaks against my chest but looks up at me again to face me. "It doesn't matter what we are right now or what we will be in our futures. I'll still be there for you."
Maybe, we were forced into this marriage but I don't regret being forced into this anymore. I would've lost a really beautiful diamond if it hadn't happened.
"Thank you," I kiss her forehead with a genuine smile that doesn't seem to leave my lips any soon and continue, "I would really appreciate it if you reach out to me too, whenever and for whatever reason, because I always worry about you... so, don't hurt yourself like you did today. You're too precious to me and most importantly to yourself." She nods. "I'm not saying this to return your kindness or to flutter you but I really mean it." I really do. She nods again and fills our faces with smiles.
"By the way, I'll be going to Canada in two days, I suppose. Grandma wants to go there."
"Have a safe journey and text me often." She speaks after few seconds and I nod.
"You too. Don't overwork yourself and eat well when I'm gone." I brush my hand on her hair. I worry about her again.
"Don't worry." She pecks the tip of my nose, getting me flustered again. "Also, I don't expect you to spend time with me because I don't want to steal you from her." She mentions my grandma and I nod, smiling with a tint of pain in it but I needed this assurance from her or else I would have felt guilty for not spending my time with her.
"Okay, let's really sleep now. I'm tired." She breaks the eye contact and goes down to bury her face on my chest again, earning a light chuckle from me.
This feels too good, to be with her, but I knew. Happiness always comes with a price. The price I cannot afford to pay and the happiness I cannot afford to lose. I just have to flow as the time takes me to my direction for now.
I set the alarm and drift to sleep with her inbetween my arms and me inbetween her arms.
Wednesday,16th October, 2019
5:00 a.m
I come back to my consciousness once the alarm rings. We both are still in each other's embrace and I started the day with a smile because of her. I do not want to let go of the embrace yet but I couldn't ignore my grandma too because she wakes up early.
I try pulling her arms away from me gently, making sure I don't wake her up and she suddenly moves, to sleep on her back, making a cute sound and getting me to chuckle at how cute and adorable she is. I kiss her forehead and get off the bed softly, heading to the bathroom.
I go down and the kitchen light was already on but my grandma wasn't there. I head to the kitchen and she comes out from Caroline's bedroom. Once she notices me, she gets startled by my appearance.
"Jesus Christ, you scared the shit out of me." She walks near the kitchen cabinet and I just ruffle my hair with my fingers, struggling to stay awake since this routine is new for me.
"I'm sorry." I go near her and hug her, resting my head on her shoulder, not wanting to break the hug. "What are you doing?"
"I'm preparing pancakes for Iris. I don't want her to leave the house in an empty stomach." I smile, nodding. "I've heard from Caroline that she just flees off to her office without having anything, so I'm preparing before hand and I'll block her from stepping out." I chuckle.
"I'll help you. She is a bad girl when it comes to having her food." I remember how she starved yesterday for almost half a day without having anything. She should really stop doing that to herself. Suddenly, she elbows my stomach and I back up with pain. "It hurts!" I complain.
"It was intentional." She teases me and I roll my eyes but follow her wherever she goes.
"You know what?" I speak up and a 'what' leaves her mouth. "I confessed to Iris yesterday and I asked her to not tell me her decision yet, afraid that she might reject me but guess what?" She looks at me with her eyebrows raised, curiosity and excitement mixed together. My lips gets curved up at her expression. "She kissed me here and here." I point at my cheek and the tip of my nose where Iris kissed me, showing her with excitement and happiness that is filling my heart up.
"Really? No way." She doesn't believe me and I get offended.
"You don't believ-"
"And he kissed me here." Iris suddenly appears, pointing at her forehead, excitingly. My lips gets curved to an extent that they couldn't go higher anymore, after looking at her. "Twice!" She shows two fingers like a kid, cutely, not aware of the third kiss I gave her this morning.
"Good morning." I say with the smile that doesn't want to leave my face and she returns the same words with her beautiful smile. I had never seen her being so lively and so, this moment is even more special to me.
"What are you doing?" She comes near us and checks on the dish that grandma is preparing for us, especially her.
I couldn't take my eyes off her.
"Pancakes, and you're not leaving the house without your stomach filled." My grandma brings up her authoritative behaviour again but Iris chuckles at her and nods, agreeing to it.
"I'll get ready soon, come down and have them." She gets a nod from grandma. Before leaving upstairs, she smiles at me and I do the same, not wanting my eyes to drift apart from her.
Once she's away from my sight, grandma hits my shoulder and I turn to look at her. "What the hell? You both are being so lovely to each other." I nod at her, with the biggest smile. "Why am I getting excited?" She points at herself and I shrug. "Anyways, I'm happy for you, you little brat." She hits me again on the shoulder and I just keep smiling like an idiot.
Grandma and I, were waiting on the dining table for her to join us, as we kept chatting randomly and after few long minutes, Iris comes down with her office attire on. She sits beside me and I don't look away from her. I want to hold her hands but I didn't want to make it hard for both us because I wouldn't be able to give the same affection for a while.
Once we were done eating, I take the dishes to keep them in the sink and Iris helps me with it after forbidding my grandma to do it. She is cute but dominant.
Once we're done with the dishes, she goes back to my grandma, who is on the couch and sits beside her and I follow her, not wanting to be left out.
"I've decided and I want to go back to my old apartment." Iris speaks and grandma nods.
"Okay. I'll say Mr. Kim to get that apartment back." Iris nods.
"Have a safe journey." Iris tells grandma and she smiles at Iris, making me smile too. Iris gets off the couch. "I'll get going then. Bye. Have a great day" She smiles at both of us and we both return it with a 'you too' as she leaves the house, which she wouldn't be living in for a while.
YOU ARE READING
AGAPI
General Fiction"If I said that I can't really avoid you anymore, if I said that I want to express my feelings openly from now on, if I said that I need you, then... would you accept me, Iris?" Maybe I hated that we were forced to be together, but now, no matter h...
