AGAPI

18. Monkeys

Monday, 7th October, 2019
7:00 a.m

Austin

As usual, her alarm rings and as usual, we are hugging onto each other in the small bed we're on. I know it's not right for me to get used to this warmness of her's on me, every morning, but I am.

She, again, doesn't seem to have been affected by her alarm by looking at her peaceful form, sleeping like a cute baby. I take her phone from the table that's on her side of the bed, making sure I don't break the warm hug yet, and dismiss her alarm.

I go back to the position that I was before, and look at her morning face. Her face looks a little swollen which makes her even more cute and pretty. Smile creeps on my face as I do not stop admiring her yet.

I look down at her lips which are slightly parted and those enticing lips gets all my attention. How out-of-mind must I be to want to touch those lips with mine like we did on our wedding?

I look back at her eyes that are closed, to distract myself, and let my fingers caress her eyebrow. I slide my fingers down to her cheek and caress the soft skin.

I feel like kissing her, while I shouldn't. Touching her skin makes me feel so soft, while I shouldn't. I want to look at her sleeping all day, while I shouldn't.

Everything feels so wrong but right at the moment.

Will she accept me if I ever fall in love with her?

I break the hug finally and sit up on the bed, taking a deep breath. I take a last glance at her before heading to the bathroom to fix my morning hood and freshen up myself.

7:35 a.m

"Yeah," I hear her voice as I come out of the bathroom and find her still on the bed, speaking to someone on her phone. "Okay," She sits up on the bed and looks at me. "He's here, I'll hand it over to him." She continues to speak to that person about me as she gets off the bed and comes near me to hand over the phone to me. "Your grandma." She doesn't glance at me again and heads to the bathroom as soon she hands over her phone to me.

"Hello," I start the conversation.

"Why is your phone always dead, Austin?" She sounds annoyed when it's so early in the morning.

"Maybe 'cause I'm dead inside too." I sound as pessimistic as I could.

"Is it not going well with Iris?" I don't know. I really don't. I look at her like a woman when she barely feels like a woman when she's with me. I feel more of man when I'm with her but I'm just a human to her. It feels like my drunk thoughts were actually my real thoughts. "Austin?" She makes me burst out of my thoughts.

"Yes?"

"What happened?"

"Everything I wish that hadn't happened." I sigh and she does the same.

"So, you both are not getting along?" She questions like she expected we would get along as soon as we're left alone. I wish she'd realise that feelings aren't that easy and cannot be forced on anyone.

"Why do even expect that? You just want us to be married for five years and be in this honeymoon shit right? It's happening according to your wishes. I'm already sick and tired of everything that's happening right now, grandma." I blurt out, not bottling it up anymore. I feel so sick, realising that I might develop feelings on Iris while she'd still be hating the fact that she's married to me, just like how Mr. Kim told me about what happened between us when we were drunk.