Damage On You (COMPLETED)

17: Confession

#DamageOnYouConfession

“You're getting so close to that Primo kid, huh?" Cai asked, picking his food in front.

"I don't see the problem."

"It's just weird."

"Did you feel the same when I started hanging out with you?" I asked, smiling a little. "That even I'm a little reserved, I still did?"

"He's telling me you're not that good at him before."

"That's before, Cai." the canteen now starting to be filled with students. "Besides, what's wrong with it? Isn't it great? Na hindi na ako masyadong... reserved?"

Cai threw me an incredulous look, like he's measuring if I'm the correct Miguel he's talking to. He even reached for my cheek and slapped it. Some classmates of us laughed from it. "Just weird. Who knows dormmate lang pala magiging katapat mo?"

Napailing na lang ako. January seemed to pass easily and tomorrow, February will begin and like what Cai noticed, Primo and I's relationship had an improvement unlike before.

I didn't know how he noticed it; maybe, it was because of the foods I'm eating, those foods are cooked by him, even the cheesecake he really made time to learn to bake. Or maybe it's because how we always spotted together, if not going home, leaving the UW altogether. Though we're always together, it's just weird, perhaps for them, for a freshmen gallivanting in a third-year building.

Nevertheless, his company to me has improved and instead of getting vexed to every little thing he does, his presence now is amusing; there's not a day we wouldn't end up having a small and petty fight but after few minutes, our stomachs kept hurting from laughing.

I didn't know that I still got in me the will to laugh, to be happy like this... I mean... I am happy. Despite what happened almost three or four years ago. Papa's state in prison is depressing yet I know when I attain that title and finisg school, makakalaya rin siya. That's why I do still know a little part of being happy.

Well I am not saying my life before it gets so shitty was not happy: for at least a short time, masaya ako kasama ang dalawa. Given na hindi kami magkasundo ni Logan but I know he still cares for his younger siblings. The only downside of his life is it is nothing if he stops venerating Mother. I don't know; mamamatay ata 'yung isa kapag hindi niya napasaya o nagkamali siya sa gusto at mata ng nanay namin. Nevertheless, we were once a happy family until I saw the cracks they intentionally made.

Meeting new people when I had a new life is not... easy. I was afraid to meet new one; I was afraid I'll end up crossing the same road I once crossed; more of all, I'm petrified to love someone that makes me happy again and break my broken heart for the nth time. Nakakapagod din. Not because I'm raised and from one of the influential family does not mean I don't have a heart... and feelings.

Sometimes, I would just want to find the person who said that grief is the payment for love we gave to a person. Why can't we just love someome freely? Love someone so dearly we don't have to sleep every night, afraid that tomorrow might come and ask us for payment for feeling loved. I hate it. I hate getting know new people, make them enter my life and damage me the worst they could do.

That's why I stayed aloof all these years... That even if I still have some people who I so-called friends, iba pa rin iyong kagaya rati na wala kang pangamba at takot na magmahal o magtiwala...

If only I can read Primo's mind... I know he's probably thinking how hard it is impress me... much more loving me. In the past few months, I know he's been trying to gain my trust but I became too stoned by my past and the time... I thought when it made me feel like that—incredible, strong, not easily manipulated is it's all right now.