happiness is a butterfly

do I make you feel shy?

Secretly, Nate just wanted to be loved.

But how could he love someone when his whole life had been a lie? How could he be loved when his demons possessed him?

His father's outburst had done nothing to put things into perspective for Nate. His father's double life, the secrets Nate had discovered as a young boy had truly fucked him up for life. Truth was, Nate was a narcissist and violent abuser. He felt no love connection to his family, felt no remorse for his actions, had no issues destroying Maddy and Cassie for his own personal gain.

Who could possibly love him?

But also, who would he have been had he never found those tapes?

Maddy had told him she loved him, not just in an obsessive kind of way, but that she truly loved him. She was also just as much of a huntress as he was, and she loved his potential more than his truth. She had seen the darkest sides of him, she had been privy to his darkest secrets, and was still willing to give him her heart.

But Maddy never knew when to stop. She would constantly bring out the beast within him. She was a sensual woman, with a strong personality.

Love with Maddy was passionate and dramatic and loud. The kind of love you throw shoes at each other and bang down doors. The kind of love you only experience once in a lifetime and never forget.

Then there was Cassie.

What was it about Cassie that had made him jeopardise his own secrets just to have her?

She was feminine and beautiful, but she also had a sexual past that once made him see her as dirty. A whore.

But that was then and this is now.

Cassie was a good person, an impure woman with a pure heart. She would fully surrender to him, to cherish him, to honour him, to dote on him. Cassie would be the type to love him for the sake of being loved. She would let him be the man he needed to be.

Where Maddy was drama and guns, Cassie was romance and kisses.

All he ever wanted was a conventional family and life. The kind he longed for as a boy. The white picket fence, the American Dream, cute children and little league. He wanted to rid himself of that darkness he had been cursed with.

He tried to picture in his mind a future with either girl.

With Maddy, he saw a glamorous life of champagne and designer clothes.

With Cassie, he saw a rounded belly and a blonde family.

Maddy could be dominated by her desire for a privileged life. She would put up with his issues just to live the life of her dreams. But it wouldn't be without a fight.

Cassie was easily dominated by her insecurities. She would put up with his issues just to not be alone. But she was emotional and needy.

And Nate? What were his weaknesses?

Tell me that you'll never leave me, tell me the way that you need me.

Do I make you feel shy when telling you why? I'm the boy of your dreams, my ever lusty world.