happiness is a butterfly

what was i made for?

Nate excelled at epic meltdowns.

Cassie knew that about him, she had experienced his sudden bursts of anger, his uncontrollable rage, his rollercoaster of emotions. She knew what happened when she poked the bear.

She felt the air leave her lungs as his hand wrapped around her arm to pull her into their home, her body pushing the pram forward and her feet tangling underneath her. Had it not been for his tight grip she probably would have gone flying- but also, had it not been for his sudden tug, she would have walked in just fine.

Just keep calm, she repeated to herself, you did nothing wrong.

"I was at the mall, I'm so sorry my phone died- but I found an outfit for the party. Want to see it?" She asked him with fake excitement and a smile, hoping to detonate the ticking bomb standing in front of her. Act like nothing's wrong and everything will be okay, that was her life mantra after all.

"Do you have any idea how many fucking times I called you, texted you? Huh?" He repeated, his tone angrier and his grip tight around her arm. "I was shopping." He mimicked her voice, before releasing the hold on her arm. "Meanwhile, I'm here thinking the worst and my wife is out shopping."

He raises his voice, he moves his arms around, he unravels before her like many times before.

Cassie knows this version of Nate far too well.

But before either of them was able to continue this car crash of a conversation, their son chose to make his presence known with a startling cry that rivalled his own father's loud lungs. Cassie was not sure if Harvey could sense the tension in the room or if it was a lucky coincidence this blowout coincided with his feeding, but she had never been so happy to hear him cry.

"Let me feed him first, okay?." She explained, taking their son out of his pram, whose cries seemed so much more distressed than normal, and placing him in Nate's arms. "I'm sorry for making you worry, baby, but you need to calm down a little."

Just keep calm, she kept reminding herself.

Cassie could feel Nate's loud footsteps following her into the kitchen, his eyes burning a hole in her head as she moved around the space to heat up a bottle for Harvey. She could faintly hear his voice over Harvey's cries as Nate continued his angry tirade against her, suddenly questioning why she was preparing a bottle for their son.

Up until now, she had been exclusively breastfeeding, but their upcoming party plus Cassie's desire to have some independence meant she had introduced the occasional bottle of pumped milk. Both father and son had been a little apprehensive about this change, Harvey not being the biggest fan of the rubber nipple and Nate not being a fan of change or Cassie's life revolving around anything other than her boys.

Still, her and Marsha had persevered and finally gotten Harvey to take a bottle every once in a while. Not always, as she loved the bond they had developed through breastfeeding.

"The party is in two days, I'm just trying to get him accustomed to it so he doesn't give your Mom a hard time while we're out." Nate's harsh stare pierced into her as she tested the milk temperature on her hand before taking Harvey back to feed him. "Right, bubba? Are you going to be a good boy for Mimi?"

"Stop lying to me." His voice cut through her like a sharp knife. "What the fuck were you doing all afternoon? Who were you with?" This Nate is jealous, this Nate is terrified at the idea of her having a life outside of the reality he has created for her, for them.

"Nate- stop, okay? I told you, I went shopping and I had a glass of champagne. That's it!" Her voice exasperated, her head pounding too hard, her heart beating too fast.