happiness is a butterfly

yes to heaven

Things were good.

If the first weeks of Harvey's life had been a nightmare for Cassie, things had taken a turn for the better as winter break came along. She had slowly settled into a routine and her baby seemed to be less of a crying demon every day. She had overcome plugged milk ducts and all the wonderful things that came after birth that no one had prepared her for. Her mom had been instrumental in helping her regain some sanity and some beauty sleep, and Cassie was glad their relationship had come such a long way from the start of the year.

Things were good.

She still struggled with the monotony that came with being a mom. Her days were often repetitive and made up of feeding and sleeping schedules and doing the same tasks over and over again. She would be lying if she said it wasn't a little boring at times. However, as she recovered from childbirth, her doctor gave her the go ahead to resume more and more activities. She slowly added little workouts and light jogs pushing Harvey's pram to their daily routine.

Physically, she felt good. Perpetually sleep deprived, but good.

Her relationship with Nate had also improved dramatically as they slowly settled into their new roles as parents. She learned to be less resentful of Nate and more communicative of her needs. She was more calm and approachable, which in turn meant Nate was also more calm and approachable. The fighting had simmered a little and the heat had been turned up in the bedroom.

Things were good.

Sure, their relationship still had cracks on its surface. Some fine little angel hair cracks, some larger cracks with patchy glue holding them together. They were far from perfection. Their life and relationship continuously had Cassie feeling like she was walking on a tightrope. While they hadn't been completely chaste until her check up, Cassie felt self-conscious of her post-baby body. She had been lucky, with her body bouncing back to her pre-baby weight relatively easily, but little stretch marks and imperfections and looser skin were still taking their time to fade away and Cassie felt anything but sexy.

Nate didn't seem deterred by her less than perfect body in their intimacy, as his fingers traced the fine little lines across her abdomen. Still, a part of her felt insecure about her relationship with Nate, who was surrounded by hot college girls who were happy and carefree and not walking around with milk pads stuffed in their bras.

She would often find herself pushing his hand away from her stomach or covering parts of her body from his intense gaze. Only for Nate to uncover them again.

"I hate when you do that." He would tell her, moving her arm away. "I don't want you to hide from me. Fuck, just seeing that drives me insane." He would comment as little droplets of milk ran down her breast.

Nate had an inexplicable attraction towards pregnancy and motherhood. To him, her stretch marks and painfully engorged breasts were a constant reminder of the sacrifices made to show her love for him and their son. It was intoxicating to him. He often told her how he missed the sight of her swollen belly, of seeing her carry his child.

And Cassie could not think of anything worse than having another baby any time soon.

But she went along with his fantasies and overcompensated in the bedroom in hopes he wouldn't be tempted by other girls.

Things were good.

Their first official outing as a family was the annual Winter Carnival.

Cassie wondered if the students of East Highland had yet recovered from the sight of Nate Jacobs walking around with a baby strapped to his chest and his hand holding Cassie's. She could feel the stares and hear the whispers, the heads turning back quickly as they walked past. It was the first year that Cal's famous chilli stand was not present and the carnival was buzzing with rumours of the absence of the Jacobs family.