happiness is a butterfly

nature boy

Nate Jacobs was on top of the fucking world.

After taking the disc, he had shown Cassie just how grateful he was by fucking her over and over again in one of the display homes at his dad's construction site.

On the way home, he reflected on the positive feelings he had in that moment. His father had moved out, which in itself was like a massive weight had been lifted off Nate's back. He loathed his father. His secrets. The expectations he had placed on Nate, when he himself had been nothing more than a fraud.

And although Cal had come clean with his family regarding his deviance, the disc being in Maddy's hands had not allowed Nate to fully enjoy his freedom from his father until now. Not because he wanted to protect his father, fuck that.

What Nate wanted was to protect his legacy, his influence and most importantly, the family business. Which, would not be very successful if his dad was to be labelled a pedophlle who fucked an underage trans girl at Nate's high school. And then recorded it.

But now Cassie, his Cassie, had made it so much easier for him to be back on top of the game.

And that felt so fucking good.

Nate was not at all surprised to find his mother sitting in the kitchen drinking wine and smoking a cigarette. In the weeks that followed Cal's confession, there was no denying his mum had been going through her own crisis which mainly involved drinking wine, eating cake and wearing grey sweatpants.

"Ahhh just in time, my dear son. Get your mommy another bottle of wine!"

Like a duitful son, Nate opened a bottle of Pinot Gris and topped up his mother's glass, before pouring himself some of Cal's scotch he had been indulging since his father's departure.

"Sit with me." She had looked at him with that faraway gaze she often got these days, before adding. "Don't marry anyone you meet in high school."

"Okay, mom." Nate had been amused by his mother's sudden interest in his life and wellbeing.

"I'm serious. Especially that awful Maddy girl." And at Nate's admission that Maddy was now just a distant memory, a pleased Marsha pressed her secretive son for more information on his personal life. "So is the blonde your new girlfriend?"

"Kind of, it's complicated. She's Maddy's best friend." Marsha's response to that statement had been to laugh belly deep at the thought of the girl who called her a cunt now being scorned by her son. "Why? Do you like her?"

"More than Maddy, sure." She took another glance at her son. "She seems sweet. And you seem happier since she's been around."

The pair settled into a comfortable silence as Nate mused on his mother's opinion of the two women in his life.

"Do you love her?"

"Some people would say I'm not capable of love." He responded with a smirk, before taking a last swig of his drink.

And Marsha felt saddened by her son's admission.

"You were such a sweet, loving boy. You know, you used to come into my room every night to ask me if I needed anything and then you would give me a kiss goodnight." She stroked back some of his hair as she tried to picture the sweet little boy she had raised. "Then one day, you just changed. You became so angry, like this darkness had engulfed you. Like you hated us. You were 8 or 9 maybe."

And at the mention of the time his life would change forever, Nate's head had quickly moved away from the uncharacteristic physical affection his mother was giving.

"What happened to you?" Marsha tried to find in his eyes a sign of the boy she once knew. "I wish I hadn't listened to your father and taken you to see someone, a therapist. But no, he was so against it. And we raised you as this angry and extremely flawed young man."

"Right. Because your husband is the one fucking anything that moves, and I'm the fuck up of this family."

"I never said you were a fuck up...but you are so angry at us, at the world." Marsha moved to the kitchen sink to light up another cigarette. "And then with what happened to your brother..."

"I felt like you blamed me for that."

And Marsha's heart had broken at this admission from her middle child. And at the thought that she had been so unsuccessful in hiding her grief and anger at the tragic loss of her youngest.

"Maybe I did, a little. Mainly I blamed your dad."

"Why? He wasn't with us."

"No, but he was always so competitive. Always pitting you boys against one another." She took a drag of her cigarette. "But what happened to Bennett was an accident. I'm sorry if I made you feel I blamed you."

Not much else was discussed between the mother and son duo, as both let their minds reflect on their past loss and sadness.

The loss of a child and the unity of her marriage.

The loss of his innocence and of his youngest brother.

Two broken souls, so close yet so far apart from one another.

"One day, you will be a father and you will love your child so much you will understand how irrepairable the loss of a child is. And trust me, you will learn what it means to love."

Nate had chosen that moment to take his drained self to bed, the alcohol and heavy conversation putting him into a deep sleep.

A sleep so deep he managed to be spared of the drama that had been unfolding at the Howard home.

There was a boy, a very strange enchanted boy.

This he said to me: the greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return