happiness is a butterfly

get you

"How long have you known?"

Nate's head rested against his carseat, with his eyes closed. The revelation in the hallway had taken his mind off his feelings about the play completely. Lately, his life felt like a big joke: one moment he was up, and the next he was down.

Sure, in all honesty he hadn't been exactly diligent when it came to preventing this from happening. They had never used condoms. She wasn't on the pill. He usually pulled out, and maybe sometimes he didn't. Was he trying to get her pregnant? Not really. Did he do anything to prevent it? Not really.

But that was Nate- constantly playing Russian Roulette in the game of life.

He did what he wanted. Mr Big Balls, the king of all kings. He left behind him a trail of despair. He was the cruellest of natural disasters. And there were no consequences for the Nate Jacobs' of the world.

Except this.

"A few weeks." Cassie was shifting in her seat, eyes filled to the brim with unshed tears. Much like Maddy finding out about Nate, this was not how she had wanted Nate to find out about her pregnancy.

"A few fucking weeks." He laughed, but in a way that it felt like there was no actual humour. Like you would laugh before you start yelling at someone. "Were you ever going to tell me?"

"Of course I was going to. I just-" She took a deep breath. Her throat felt like it was closing in, making it harder and harder to get her words out. "I was scared."

He turned to look at her for the first time since they sat in his car. She looked so fragile at that moment. Vulnerable. Small.

She sat slightly bent- almost like she was trying to hug herself. Her hands kept playing at the hem of her skirt, like a child facing punishment. Her face was red and blotchy from the crying and her fight with Maddy. She looked on the verge of falling apart.

And she was.

She was very close to crashing.

She had spent the last few weeks since finding out trying to imagine what her life would look like. What this moment would look like. How he would react. How she would feel.

Would he be angry? Would he be happy?

Sure, he said he dreamt of starting a family with her, but he meant in the future. He had plans. He had a vision.

But this was now.

"Scared of me?"

"Yes. No, not you." Another deep breath. "Your reaction."

"My reaction?"

Cassie's biggest fear had been Nate turning around and saying he did not want her to have this baby. That he wanted her to have an abortion. That he had a lot of shit going on and this was not the right time for a baby. That she would make a great mom one day, but not Today, not with him.

She had tried to keep the memory of last year's events out of her mind.

She tried to move on with her life despite the aching inside her. She tried to ignore that emptiness she felt.

But now she was right back where she started.

Pregnant and scared and more alone than ever.

She felt stupid and pathetic at the thought of another unplanned pregnancy. Like a bad statistic, like that type of girl.

And she knew she would not survive going through an abortion again. And she knew she wouldn't be able to have this child on her own.

"I don't know, that like you would be upset. Or not want me to have the baby." Another deep breath. "And I want to keep this baby, and I get that it may not be what you want. But I'm so scared, and I have no one else. And I don't want to force you into something you don't want but I don't know what I'm going to do either."

He sat there and stared at her crying form. He thought about her words. He reflected on her fears.

Although he had not voiced this at the time, he thought she looked so beautiful at that moment. Like a beautiful mess of tears and tousled hair. She looked like an animal cowering in fear, waiting to be attacked. Like a hostage waiting to be beheaded. Like a prisoner begging for mercy.

There were some strong truths in her statement. She had nowhere to go but him. She had no one but him.

He was her family, he was her home, he was her livelihood.

He had the power to destroy her. She was at his mercy.

How far will you go for me?

His mind went back to his dream of Cassie when he was in hospital. The vision he saw for his life. With his father out of his life and the disc back in his hands, this felt like just another piece of the puzzle.

Was the timing right? Absolutely not.

But Nate knew he would always fall on his feet, and this wouldn't be any different.

"So you want to have my baby?" He would finally ask her after a long silence, taking her small hand into his larger one.

As Cassie let her tears run free, Nate had placed a soft kiss on her fingers.

Cassie continued to blubber on about the baby and timing and other things he tuned out.

They didn't say much else after that, but he drove them home holding her hand in his.

And that was all the reassurance she needed for now.

It's only the two of us, everything I need's between those thighs

Every time I look into your eyes I see it, you're all I need

Ooh, who would've thought I'd get you?