happiness is a butterfly

devil inside

Her mum and sister look and feel out of place.

As the group sits to dine, the conversation around them is strained and awkward. It makes Cassie wonder what happy pills Marsha had been mixing the day she decided to invite her family.

She notes her sister's crossed arms, her rigid posture, she senses her eyes follow her every movement over lunch. She knows what she's waiting for- a sign of their downfall.

So they give her the opposite.

She makes a plate of food for Nate, he wraps his arm around her shoulders in between courses. Her hand rests on his leg, his fingers stroke her shoulder. She throws the occasional smile his way, he whispers things in her ear.

Look at us, she thinks, and tell me we're not in love.

It all goes relatively okay until the conversation turns to college plans and the baby. The young couple finds itself pushed in the spotlight as the adults at the table ask them about their plans for the future. The news of Cassie planning to still live with the Jacobs after the school year surprises her mother, who voices her shock.

Cassie finds it confusing that her mother would suddenly show concern for her living arrangement, after all she had been calling this house her home for two months.

"I just thought, y'know, with Nate going off to college, you would move back home." She observes her mother's face, the way her eyes stare at her's, the way they shine from the four glasses of Pinot and sadness.

"Oh there's plenty of room here for Cassie, Suze. It's no trouble at all." Marsha interjects with a smile towards the young girl. And Suze fucking hates the way she has been replaced by another woman.

"Yeah, plus Lexi is going to be in her Senior year, it's probably better to not have a baby around." Cassie gives her mum a tense smile, one of those stop fucking talking smiles.

"Oh, how kind of you to think of me." Lexi's response is laced with sarcasm and followed by a snort. She knew Cassie well enough to know her senior year posed no actual concern to her. It was always the Cassie show.

"We would find a way, Cass. We always do." Suze adds, with her voice rough and emotional. "It's going to be hard, you should be with your family."

Truthfully, she was deeply hurt by her daughter distancing herself during her journey to motherhood, one where most daughters would lean on their mother's for guidance and support. It was also no secret that she hadn't been the perfect conventional mom and that more often than not her daughters took care of her. But, while she was no Marsha Jacobs, she fucking loved her girls.

"Mrs Howard, I understand your concern but Cassie and I have discussed this and think it would be best for her to live here until we find a place of our own." Nate had answered for the both of them, with a reassuring squeeze of Cassie's hand. His response had elicited a small snicker from Lexi. "Is something funny?"

"Aren't you going to be away at college? Even if you go somewhere in the state you'll still be required to live on campus." Lexi's tone was condescending and Cassie was not at all surprised she would try and make them look unprepared in front of the adults at the table.

"They give exemptions." A piqued Cassie answered, looking only at her mum. "Even if Nate may need to stay there for a few nights a week, we still think it would be better for me to stay here."

"What about when you go to college?" Lexi had jumped in again, trying to elicit a direct response from her sister. "Where will the baby be then?"

Cassie had given her sister a pointed look before advising the rest of the table her college plans had been temporarily put on hold. Realistically, Cassie had never planned for much of an academic future.

Her dreams were different to Lexi's.

She wished for an all encompassing love, a beautiful family of her own, a nice home to raise her children in. She dreamt of the harmonious family life she wished for as a child. She craved the love of a man, she longed for passion, she hoped for security. Strong arms to hug her at night and keep her safe in a storm. Rough hands to hold her's and guide her through life.

And she had found that in Nate, so why couldn't her family just be happy for her?

Around her, Nate and Lexi had gotten into a ping pong match of question and answer about the best future for Cassie.

"Lexi," She says, finally addressing her sister, "can you, like, drop it?"

"Why? Because I want what's best for you that makes me a bad person? You've barely spoken to me in weeks-"

"That's because you put on a play to humiliate Nate and me in front of the whole school. Why would I want anything to do with you?" As Cassie's voice raised, Nate had placed a placating hand over her thigh.

Don't give them what they want, she tried to remind herself.

"It wasn't about you, not everything is about you! You think you have this perfect life and that everyone is so jealous of you, when in reality everyone thinks you're pathetic!"

"I'm pathetic? Please, you're the one who is in love with some two bit gangster criminal!"

"Keep him out of this- and if you want to talk about a criminal, look no further than your left."

Lexi's accusation has the table explode into a flurry of raised voices and arguments. Nate's grandparents sit shocked at the way this stranger was talking about their grandson. She even hears Bud warn her with a now, now, young lady.

"What is your problem with me, Lexi? You don't even know me." Nate rebutts, with a smug attitude.

"Trust me, Nate, I know plenty about you and the things you've done."

Cal decides to attempt putting an end to the discussion before more dirt is dragged to the table by the fired up brunette. "I understand there is some animosity here, and that you want what is best for your sister, but I can reassure you Nate has every intention of doing right by Cassie." He gives her a soft smile before turning to his concerned parents offering a plate of vegetables. "Potatoes, anyone?"

It was clear though that Lexi had no intention of dropping the argument. Be it the bottled up anger she felt towards Nate for bulldozing through their life, the disappointment she felt towards her sister for her poor decision making or the trigger of Fez's name being used to bring her down- Lexi felt ready to explode. She looked at Cassie's red skin and her Mom's sad eyes. She looked at Nate's angry stare and Cal's fake smile as he chewed on his food. She looked at them all, sitting in their fancy clothes, eating their elaborate meals, getting away with all their wrongdoings because more privileged or more beautiful than the common Joe.

How unfair, she thought at that moment, life must be. For Fezco would most likely be rotting in jail, despite his good nature, for the bad hand he was dealt in life. And the rotten people sitting around her, so undeserving of their good fortune, would continue to destroy lives and carry on.

"Of course you would say that," She starts looking directly at Cal. "I mean, like father, like son, right?." That last statement has Cal slightly choke on the roast potato he was savouring.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Bev asks in disbelief and confusion.

"I think she's talking about Dad being gay." Aaron surprisingly throws in, sharing what is probably his only sentence all day. His whole day had been spent listening to the people around him talk and argue and be fake. It was pretty boring.

As the table quiets down and all eyes turn to older Jacobs boy, Aaron resumes eating his food like he didn't just drop a massive bomb at the table.

Words as weapons, sharper than knives

Makes you wonder how the other half die