MUDNOCCHIO : AN AMERICAN PUPPET

DESPERATE SERVICE

Trust ye in the LORD for ever: for in the LORD JEHOVAH is everlasting strength." Isaiah‬ ‭26‬‬:‭4‬

"Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:"
‭‭1 Peter‬ ‭5:6‬

Arriving back, old habits and mental cycles began calibrating. Processing my trip from the crackhouse, the bus route to back in my mom's custody, bringing nothing but aspirations. "If I can walk throughout the country untouched, then I can do anything on my momma!",  I said on same day I enlisted for active duty. Completing testing and drug screen, hopes to up and leave soon, oddly enough my mother knew about my enlistment. Contacting my recruiter after swearing in, she asked to speak with me via phone, holding composure during the ride; her lasting words were "Why you didn't tell me you was going into the military?......Well to let you know the apartment is empty and nobody's there so try to find somewhere you can go." I said back "...ok" then hung up and blocked the number. Recruiter asked if everything was good and I reassured I was good, disregarding the changed vibe. Recapping my living situation to my friend whom safely delivered me, reaching back via email and messenger to conclude that I'm alive and well at my mom's spot. Obviously life wasn't well, but as long everyone stopped talking about me and installing fear from 'what if's', then I was content. First week with my mother was seldom talk, but peaceful. Three months later my mother got evicted from newer place, same fashion I was alone but this time I kept the windows and side door unlocked before leaving with recruiter earlier, countering to when I was locked out since returning. Arriving back from swearing in, I gave a goodnight wave as they tarried before departing. For two weeks I slept in a empty apartment, stealing from bodegas at night, and use the library's computer during the day. Sometimes leaving a light or two on during the night, to promote no vacancy in case any wondered where the resident's car went.
Upon the conclusion of me squatting in my mother's apartment, I was awakened by the maintenance man who was nice enough to let me stay one more night, but be gone by 830am.  Couldn't sleep, fear of the unknown, the whole night I researched family members and shelters to hold off until boot camp. Discouraged from the many read messages, I was fortunate that the shelter's owner I applied to was a veteran. Meeting and sharing my story, he offered a official placement until departed. Only contingency, I work their thrift store during the day and attend church every morning in the chapel and in town on Sundays. Positive and patient for test results, I decided to enlist for the Navy in honor of a past friend who dream was being a Navy SEAL; suddenly died to a aneurysm while conversing together. My job in the navy was a PR, Aircrew survival equipmentman. When enlisted I quickly got promoted during the post training, prior to leaving I visited a female who I was dating at the time, knew little about my struggles if asked. I would say I was visiting family, to avoid deeper questioning, when informed that I'm leaving for boot camp I went to her home to share final moments; knocking on her door inflicted resistance, unsure if it was because of the hours I arrived or myself individually. As she joined me outside, hugs and kisses were rejected, causing me to playfully chase her around the yard. She said "tell me what you gotta tell me, what is it you couldn't tell me on the phone?" I updated her that I was joining the navy and I was proud of her, to stay focused on her college stuff as I'll be back for her when I complete boot camp. Originally proposing during my monologue, it was obvious the energies were unmatched so out of anger I walked off mid dialogue. Riding back, ignoring further messages from her, I didn't nothing else but think about what's to come. Having a troubled life I figured to be a hope in our similar struggles as people and a couple. My "friends" collectively were no longer friended, so this female was all I had and planned to give back to; soon as I completed my life's testing. Unexpectedly visiting her, to discover connection was nearly nonexistent, informing her I was on the way to the replies gradually became delayed and in person she now avoids intimacy. No hugging nor kissing, failed my plan in proposal as a original reason for visitation, disregarding assumptions of bad news in short notice with a good cause. If any sense, it was obvious the bitch needed displacement but now I know after more setbacks to endure. At boot camp my paperwork was "misplaced" so ranked lower to E1. Attentive and nonchalant, towards the end of training I would unexpectedly get yelled at and made an example. Puzzled looks from peers on why I was sought after so much, as the main goofballs continued untouchable. My original class, I was kicked from and moved down the hall to another, where I got appreciated but miserable to believe I was sent to the start of boot camp again. Graduating on time, my prior supervisors were unhappy, assuming they'd pushed me back farther than revealed. Focusing on what my recruiter said I would remain believing I was now a E2, being promoted to E3, except I was kept as a E1 the remainder of my stay and made E2 until graduation. Without care I thought about nothing on the mistreatment, but more on my promises to become a SEAL and returning to my bride. Reaching my first duty station, I was informed we were soon getting deployed. Reaching out to the female for updates and describing my experiences at training; ignoring the unsent letters, I expected from last meeting and discussion together. Those recent moments of union, were motivation, and deeply cherished to become the male figure this female described wanting. Life obviously went on during those two months in boot camp and she became "in love" with anybody who hit her up via internet, thot bitch! As I got deployed more lies arose about her writing me and us talking everyday dissipated. Harder on my psyche, as my only point of contact, I would beg this girl three years to stop ho'in, losing focus with priorities and spiritual connection to GOD. Praying less and less, I quickly obtained the addiction for tobacco to have excuses for seclusion during working hours. Coming back apologizing for the heartaches and ending the connection. Again I forgave her, later buying her gifts while deployed. Holidays and birthdays passed, still never reunited since last encounter. My plan was to have a home prepared for her much like JESUS, if faithful. Back on good terms, I dedicated my free time if not conversing or studying, to research applicable homes; as the ultimate surprise when flying her to me upon deployment ending. Whether she'd flown prior to my deployment ending and she decorated the home, or purchase the property and we'll both be surprised together? Nevertheless all I required and wanted was the experience of a support system, especially handmade signs by loved ones.
Stupid enough to purchase a solid 18 karat white gold "dancing diamond" ring, during a stint of no arguments, I was confident that'll make all the craziness worth it when received. The ring came in a set, including earrings and necklace. I decided to buy the ring and return for the set, in case everything stayed "normal". After buying the ring, days later our deployment was accomplished, meaning troops on base wasn't allowed to shop in town the remaining days; because of packing. Our replacement squadron had fuel issues which caused us to be there for another month. In the process of timing I was sending updates to my girl and encouraging messages in regards to a new life. After weeks of no response I eventually got a text from while online to stop hitting her up, detailing on never caring for me and our shared memories were fake. Only used for financial gain, she admitted; eventually her actions led to my demise in the Navy by cold calling during working days and causing conflicts with her sex partners via social media. Deployment was challenging: being a fast learner, obtaining qualifications for quicker promotion, my supervisor then took it upon himself to erase my progress in the system, prolonging me a airman apprentice in rank. Fully discouraged I resulted in poor work performance, late attendance, eventually separated as planned among the senior airmen. When completing deployment I immediately went on leave to my two "friends" establishment; same location I attempted to go via bus. Driving in silence and talking to GOD about what's awaiting when I got back, my focus on becoming a SEAL became deterred as information was interpreted. Assuming conversations was standard, asking why I joined and about my plans on staying active. Immediate doors were closed, due to assigned squadron wanting five years with me, despite not feeling welcomed. Seeking a transfer to SEALS, blatantly outperforming my peers, I continued getting the runaround and false favors, now we're back in the states. Remaining in contact with my two "friends", sharing what I endured. The female and hardships, all I wanted to do was sleep. Figuring they'd give me sound advice through the turmoil. Uttering back was "it's all good bro, we no doubt gon turn up when you get here!" , "how far are you again?" , "you still coming through right?" , "aye when you get here is it possible you can drop me off at work?", "Oh yeah man I got sum acid I been saving for us too yo! Been a minute since we tripped together, I'm sending the address now!". Requesting all my leave days to be used, I drove through multiple states with enough time to detox from the lsd on departure. Accepted to leave from command chain, I informed my comrades about my ETA.
Them being my "friends" and last of support, after cutting off the girl while deploying. I was like "yeah, yeah I got you fam! No worries, I'm on my way now! Oh yeah!? Acid might help my condition, on my momma man. I need some answers in life" I laughingly replied.