MUDNOCCHIO : AN AMERICAN PUPPET

HUMBLE ENDINGS

As the main idea, I wasn't focusing on the spiritual attacks but fervently GOD's promises, overall seeking a home. Seeing the promise land, I increased my inclusions and those selected didn't wanna go. Men live their life, possessing a checklist mentally to correspond with action. Fairly a simple lifestyle to anticipate, behind financially ; no longer completing errands nor loaning, impulse spending became healthier from trial and error. Known about me was having money to loan out and drug abuse among peers,  but illiteracy to doubling funds. Physical cash being a means to impress and irritate people, forced me in constant cycles of rebirth. Scams and clickbait articles lessened my trust in people and online steps to success were inapplicable during research. Insomnia and irritability wasn't enjoyed, as I completed first month's detox. Fasting and prayer catered love amongst trauma, developed coordination and discernment in majority of social events. Unraveled pangs, revealed generational practices (curses) , paralleling stagnant reality. Immediate changes now effective, if I wanted to break chains and dispel them from my lineage. Tax statements, totaling $106,388.88 via atm withdrawals and transfers; buying weed wasn't no longer included in daily life. Distraught from the clarity, and being accountable, accelerated internal changes to external. Covered milestones of my life's work is available, as I seek value and love during solitude. Inferiority or my power (Joy) stolen to narcissism, reinforced my experiences as perpetual. Today's update I continue to love and forgive others. Sleeping away sorrows to shorten my day, stoicism and live recordings on discord became new cope. Death is inevitable. Heartbreak is inevitable. Doubt is inevitable, but my face and words are eternal to the new reader. Communicating comfortably and confidently, resulted in not speaking unless engaged. Refusing to dumb down my logic for dialogue, I'll avoid contact altogether if not required. Monetarily set and uneducated to make the best spending choices, I greatly feared the possibility of spending what's in savings for food and appeasement (drug use). Without a trade nor college degree, impatience to pursue such a path amplified. Lack of requirements and shelter built more stress, reminded that my backwards living anchored me in poverty. Jobs I qualified/applied for were mediocre and minimum wage, meaning it's would take forever to obtain single residency. Figuratively if a residence was gifted to a minimum waged single worker, implosion awaits. Without the assistance and urge to relapse, I go jogging and sprint whenever my anger arise. Not only upset that my life was negatively progressing, but inconsideration of signs and the company kept. Obvious my kept company influenced indulgence, resulting to brokenness and stealing prior to addressing withdrawals. Brain damages and patterns gradually improved, as my prayers are extended and bolder upon GOD's throne. We shouldn't compare nor envy people's journey, as the Bible teaches; seeing millions online "living my life" or obtained what wanted with little effort, was a battle I'll soon overcome too. "If everything went planned years ago, I wouldn't of...shouldn't of" became self talk until connotations were positive. Desperate for a "breakthrough" and a "ah hah!" moment, realistically if  died from crime, hypothermia or starvation. These words may help finalize me as a human, despite dislikes and hypocrisy amongst believers. Unfortunately kindness and love didn't get me far heretofore, but priceless investments force the guilty to acknowledge disconnect. Art imitating life and "being the change" is fully redundant nor forgiving habitual offenses, admitting faults isn't opportunity to seeing a person's character. NOW ACCEPTING: consequences, closure, delayed apologies, and financial independence. Regards to women? I'm still getting approached and texting several females, I met in short explorations abroad.  Increasing selection, platonic and unaware of my living situation; these newer females think and express themselves differently than previous. Beliefs to marriage and a relationships are inconclusive, but other's interests remain during text exchange. Seeing couples publicly, no longer bothered me and self help provided what I sought most which was love. Unconditionally loving to conditional networks caused damage in my personal affairs, fortunately I remained loving unscathed.