MUDNOCCHIO : AN AMERICAN PUPPET

DESPERATE RELATIONS

"With long life will I satisfy him, And shew him my salvation."
‭‭Psalm‬ ‭91:16‬

"Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness."
‭‭Isaiah‬ ‭41:10‬

Stuck in that 21 step program, I couldn't determine what made my life a house of cards. Picked up and followed everywhere by junior airmen, I was then reported to the seniors of the squadron for discipline review. After being mocked for two hours, at attention; I was sent back to the same hospital to attend the scheduled rehab with half salary's pay times two (meaning I'm getting no pay) for 28 days which lapsed into two months because nobody didn't want to take the drive to get me. Being in that program, my colleagues who shared abusive stories were allowed to use their phones, no response nor approval in mailing my items like phones and books to the hospital. I ended up purchasing a newer phone without their knowledge in regards to backed bills like insurance, utilities and deadline tasks. Finally graduating the rehab program after weeks of playing the struggling alcoholic, my superiors could see my "progression" so permission to depart was granted. Reaching back to base I continued having two junior sailors follow me all hours, now ordered to report every hour on the hour in person to whoever's on watch. Looking at the time became essential, running and stumbling my way to the master chief's office; laughs and murmuring were heard in that dark time. While in possession of those deployment "gifts", suppressed emotions, from family and youth resurfaced causing heavier tobacco use. The assigned tasks were scrub old adhesive from the flight decks with no supplies, take every workshop trash out, shred every shop's paper, attend weekly mental health screenings, carry a folder of papers to get checked off before the day ended; while still reporting every hour on the hour. New recruits came to base, lives got easier by doing what newcomers do, like garbage disposal and being "who not to be" when mishaps happen, as they received a tour. Still getting half salary's pay times two, meaning I'm drastically behind on bills, credit decreasing , driving privileges taken away, forcing me to park in a storage lot to later seeking nice people on base for jumpstart. Saying my farewells to the senior airmans who "blue lined" me (blue painted stripe made on the direct entrance of the navy base, when entering or leaving) due to not allowed to drive on base grounds. Luckily while in rehab I applied for a plethora of job positions, so I found work quickly, finally receiving my original cellphone back; I managed to cancel outstanding subscriptions and pay remaining late fees. Working for a company in a nearby state as a temp hire driving trucks and setting up festivities. I slightly enjoyed it ,moreover I wasn't mentally engaged l after much hardships, but needed money. Sleeping in my vehicle during the night and would arrive to work in dawn, until one day I received a blocked called which I declined, followed by another and another. By the seventh callback, I knew exactly who it was, it was the girl. Maybe just maybe if she'd stuck to the script like I did, then more than likely conversations like "turning up" and wanting to sleep away my sorrow, be less of a concern. Soon she'd obsess about time differences, arguing why I couldnt reach her or why she didn't want a relationship to begin with, now she's hitting me up randomly? Occasionally I'll say hey to her relatives and mother, receiving disrespect like "why that nigga speaking to me?/ Umm, we don't like you?", being actual experiences. Before active duty, everyone in her family and shared community was on my dick to everyone now hating my growth.