MUDNOCCHIO : AN AMERICAN PUPPET

DESPERATE DECISIONS

"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; And lean not unto thine own understanding."
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5‬

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof."Matthew‬ ‭6‬‬:‭34‬

Reaching to the two "friends" house, I'm fully exhausted and these energy filled guys wanted to talk my head off, while they blew smoke in my face. Aware that smoking was my go to, the provoking happened as comments like "Smell good, don't it yo? Nothing but straight gas out here bro, and it's legal as a bitch too!". Complimenting the bongs and set up of their living space, I then decided to rest before any considerations to late online gaming.
Unto my knowledge if they were real "friends" I'd be asked to leave the room or they'll excuse themselves when smoking. Awakened multiple times in a short time of napping, one of the "friends" kept asking was I ready to trip. Wanting to wait tomorrow, knowing I'm still in angst regarding relationship status. The probability of a bad trip awaited, if not cheered into a better mood. Insisting I still rest, until it kicked in; eventually I became convinced from the lack of willpower to say no. Taking the two tabs of acid, I resumed to lightly sleep my fatigue from hours of driving. Walking on eggshells majority of my life, and not having anyone in my corner, inserted me in a position to maintain relationships by overriding wants by catering to others, preventing their anger to show which may cancel the connection. Proceeds to that lifestyle, still didn't save me from discrepancies and slander amongst people. Coincidentally we was gaming, as I slept and awoke on the moments when given the controller. Attempting to relight a black & mild I left in the ashtray, asking about my black & mild I was told such n such was hitting it, and to hold up as he finished. Waiting on my black & mild, I went back to sleep from the wait, moments later I felt a tap on my leg, friend saying "here!". Eyes still closed I reached out and pulled the filter of the black & mild to discover a blunt was inserted into the filter. Exclaimed from the friends "YOOO! HE REALLY HIT IT FOR REAL!! YOOO!! I'M SO WEAK!". Beyond irritated and offered to smoke the remaining blunt; "You might as well finish it fam, it's already in ya system now ain't it?". Getting up to get air, the acid abruptly kicked in as I stood up. One of the friends volunteered to walk with me to the store as I declined, but offered to bring back whatever they wanted. Journeying from the nearby bodega, I bought another black and during my walk back all I thought about was: my failed family, the ups and downs in relationships, the setback from early promotion, endured hazing at my squadron, moreover turning back to old practices I identified with in coping. Days goes by while I'm on leave and these two "friends" sought transportation and ordered food, when mines delivered. Begging to smoke with them again after successful trial, just one blunt pleads and emotional blackmail, formed a dilemma to either leave and face the awaiting harassment or waste more time and money, adding toxins to my system; ultimately decreasing my detox duration. Of course I took the second choice, my life felt close to over; assuming with lack of support and love. As I took that drive back I rode in silence like before and cried to GOD knowing I had nothing left after the military. Realizing these two "friends" plotted on my downfall through jealousy and intentionally tempt me throughout the visit. Hating I did better than them and couldn't relate to the newer me. Days of ordering out and driving abroad, left me tight on money and fuel, influencing me to call my supervisor who instructed me to reach out if anything came up. My supervisor quickly said he'd call back and didn't, but instead formed a group chat about me being stranded as the topic via how stupid I am. I was never stranded but the situation sounded believable hence I was already shunned for not being a talker and drinker. Making it back I cleaned my system in no problem then more drama commenced, triggering to smoke frequently with civilian women I'd smash from clubs. Having a dispensary across the street from of our base was a inconvenience, my supervisors wanted me gone anyways so I formed a opportunity of exit. In the process of kicking me out they made sure to assault my dignity and character, sending me to a rehab for substance abuse when I wasn't a alcoholic. Hospital staff assigned me on the wrong floor, being the psych ward! Now calling my base to inform them about their mistake, no returned calls so after the second call to base from the hospital, the number became disconnected, following half salary's pay.