For All That It Takes

CHAPTER 9

I was left there. Standing and unmoved because of Kier's words. I couldn't even utter a word before he left because I was pre-occupied for what he just said. I couldn't process them completely because I couldn't understand them clearly.

"If I should have known your worth, I should have buy you before."

Limang minuto na ang lumipas magmula nang makaalis siya at iwanan ako kasama si Harold. But his last words were playing inside my head nonstop.

I didn't know what to feel because of it. Because I know myself that I can be sale. Na hindi imposibli ang mabili ako. Ang katawan ko. Because I'm living my life being a woman paid off with a service using my body and soul.

Ang pagiging hostis ko ang dahilan kung bakit ganito ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit ako nasasaktan dahil sa mga salitang kanyang binitawan para sa akin.

What does he really mean by that? What does he mean by knowing my worth so he can buy me even before? What kind of a picture frame does he sees me? And why do I feel like I'm being torn? Why do I feel pain?

"Haier, let's go." Hindi ko nilingon si Harold.

I don't want to see his face right now. Hindi ko gusto ang makita ang mukha niya ngayon dahil baka hindi ko mapigilan ang sarili ko at siya ang pagbuntunan ko ng galit at sakit na nararamdaman ko ngayon. I don't want to inflict pain on him like what I am feeling at the moment.

"Umalis ka na lang, Harold. Hindi ako sasama sa'yo," walang ganang sabi ko.

"But, Haier—"

"Get lost, Harold! Fucking get lost!" I shouted because of too much pain.

I-I don't want this kind of pain. I don't want to feel this. I don't want him to cause pain on me.

"Let's go, Haier—" I cut him off by turning my body to face him.

I lifted my hand and pointed him using my finger. Kita kong napatitig siya sa akin ng husto. Dinuro ko siya habang galit ang mga matang nakatitig ako sa kanya ngayon.

"I-If... If it wasn't because of you, he shouldn't have said those words on me, Harold," my voice was lifeless. "It's your fault. And I hate you so much because of that." I said, emotionless.

Hindi ko alam kung bakit pakiramdam ko ay galit na galit ako ngayon. Galit na galit na hindi ko magawang sisihin ng husto si Harold. But I couldn't blame myself either because of Kier's words. Alam ko rin kase sa sarili ko na may parte ako sa kung bakit gano'n ang naging kilos niya. It was because of Harold and I.

Wala sa sarili akong humakbang at naglakad papalayo kay Harold. Narinig ko pang tinawag niya ang pangalan ko ngunit hindi na ako nag-abala pang lingunin siya. I continue walking just to get away from Harold.

I was walking alone in the midst of the city of Makati. The cars that were passing by lightened my face. The crowded place of where I was, I couldn't even feel them. I couldn't even feel the presence of each thing surrounded me. I was busy thinking about the man who left me with the man I loathe.

Hindi ko magawang alisin sa aking isipan ang hitsura ng mukha kanina ni Kier. Kung gaano iyon kadilim na nagbigay kilabot at kaba sa akin. The way he uttered those words, it was chilly. It sent chill on me. It was too cold.

Pumara ako ng taxi. I wanted to go and follow Kier right at the moment. Gusto kong sundan siya sa bahay niya. I know his place. I know where he was staying. And I wanted to ask him why he was like that. I wanted to know why did he act that way. Dahil gulong-gulo ako. Ginugulo ako ng emosyong nakita ko sa kanyang mga mata.

Nagpahatid ako sa kung nasaan ang condo niya. Nasa loob pa ako ng taxi ngunit kinakabahan na naman ako. I didn't know what to say if ever I am facing him. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang sasabihin ko sa oras na kaharap ko na siya.