Online Diary

Maybe I don't know how to love, but maybe I do

Dear diary!

I know it's been a while... What have I done this whole times I wasn't here you want to know? Working on school stuff. So two days ago, I think I just reach my maximum. I just broke down, and it felt horrible.

As you might or might now know, I am a high achiever. This also applies to when I apply to university. I know that my scores won't be enough to get into the architect program in the best schools here, so I thought that I was going to do the architect test to apply for the schools. But I did not finish it by time. And I felt horrible about it. But then again I thought, maybe it wasn't THAT important to me, if I didn't finish it by time.

For the last month, I have been sleeping about 6 hours a day, which is nothing. I am used to about 7 hours of sleep, and one hour less sleep is making a HUGE difference. I was depressed, constantly tired and smiled even though I did not feel like it. Because that is what everyone expect from me.

So, I was dreaming about A.S. this other night. In that dream, he was noticing me. A.S. is a guy in my class. In my current class, we are divided into two groups. The ones I hang out with is the nerds, the one who plays video games all night long. But the other half is sports and party types. And A.S. just seems so smart that he is catching my attention. I also find him handsome, even though the others don't.

Another secret that I want to share. I. JUST. GOT. A. SCRATCH. ON. MY. DADS. CAR. Guess if he was mad at me? On the other hand, he only stayed mad at me for one day, so it wasn't that bad. But I have to pay half of the cost. Money that I have earned by myself. Trust me, with graduation and prom coming up, I have better things to spend my money on than some stupid scratch. Problem is that my dad is going to sell the car.

Today I drove my siblings to the airport with A, then we went to the shopping mall. As you all know, because I think I have mentioned it before - I thought I was in love with A. But I don't know right now, because he's just not giving me any signs that he likes me. Maybe he's just nice to everyone ...

So, now I have to go to sleep. I really hope I get some comments by now, or at least some votes - so I know that my little readers exists! Give me some life advice for all I know haha!

xoxo

thebigdreamer