Meant to be?

Secrets

WHAT THE HECK GUYS?!?!!! 200 READS?! 😱😭 THANK YOU SO MUCH! I LOVE YOU GUYS! <333 HERE'S A LONGER CHAPTER JUST FOR YOU!!!

Sorry it's been a while, in total right now I'm writing 8 stories, 4 of which I haven't even started posting yet. So I've really been focused on those lately. 

(Yeah, this is 100% not true a year later, I've got like two actual stories posted, a poetry rant thing, and like 20 story plans, none of which I'll likely ever get to lol)

Also I'm really sorry if you keep getting notifications, thinking it's a new chapter. I haven't been editing as I go, and have been having to go back afterwards instead, cause I keep forgetting. (That, my friends, is 100% still true a year later)

"Just remember if anything ever gets too stressful, just remember to take care of yourself, okay?" -Ranboo

Tw:
-anxiety attack

-disassociation 

-mentions of abuse
Please let me know if there are any other triggers in the following chapter.

———

Alex POV:

I try with everything in me to shove down the thoughts, to push away the pain, to think of an answer, to think of a lie...

Sapnap POV:

"I-" His breathing hitches, and I watch as his whole body tenses. He's shaking a bit, and staring nowhere in particular. George helps him to sit on the floor, but he doesn't really seem to register being moved. Me and Karl keep our distance, entirely unsure of how to help.

"Is he okay?" I look towards Karl, but he isn't there.

I'm entirely clueless in situations like this, on one hand I've my fair share of panic and anxiety attacks before, but I have no idea what could trigger him further, or how certain things could affect him.

A light hand on my shoulder, snaps me from my thoughts, and thank fuck it does because I'm starting to spiral. Karl removes his hand and steps past me, offering a cup of water to George, trying not to disturb Alex, and sits down a few feet from the situation. 

"It's ok, you're safe. Everything is alright, you're ok, it's all ok." George says in a more soothing voice than I've heard him manage in a while, words aren't usually his thing. I take a seat next to my boyfriend and hold his hand tight in mine, trying to get a decent grasp on the situation at hand.

What the fuck have I done?'

Alex POV:

The shaking has finally subsided, and I've calmed down a lot. My breaths are coming easier and my heart has slowed I'm not exactly full of coping mechanisms, so when I overload, my thoughts just keep going and I disassociate, so it isn't really a shock that when I came to, I was sitting on the floor.

The oddest thing is, I'm not alone. And not only is George on the ground with me, but so are Karl and Sapnap. George hands me a glass of water, and I gulp down at least half before I'm satisfied, and the burning in my throat, that I hadn't exactly noticed all that much, has left me.

All in all, I shouldn't have reacted that badly, I should have come back to focus sooner. Normally in smaller situations like this I'm at least partially aware of the world around me, able to hear conversations, traffic, the simple things. But honestly, I'm very relieved I couldn't hear any of that, it puts a pressure on my mind, trying to grapple with comprehending the world around me and shutting it out at the same time.

Above all else, right now, I just feel shame. This was my first real impression, and I just had to go and disassociate because of one off-handed question, one simple, harmless, intention lacking question. 

I couldn't be gladder I can't hear what they think of me now.

- - -

Gladder is a fucking weird word