Meant to be?

What's Up?

TW:
None
Please let me know if you find anything!

:]

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Alex POV:

"Sec?" I hear Karl mutter, his arm outstretched towards me, as if beckoning me to stay.

I have to ponder his question for only a moment before sauntering back over. This time settling myself down between Sap and Karl. I, of course, showed them to my left and right to claim my spot.

"What's up?" I ask, bumping my shoulders between the two of their shoulders.

It is only now that I direct my attention toward their expressions. Karl, on the one hand, looks nervous, giddy, and slightly embarrassed. Sapnap, on the other, looked calm and collected, on the outside, that is. On the inside I can almost see his pounding heart and racing mind, his eyes are filled with anticipation and an anxious curiosity.

I've always been good at analyzing people, but there was a shared gleam to the two's eyes that I can't quite place. If I didn't know any better, I may have squinted at them. But, luckily, I do know better.

It was obvious that Sap was waiting on Karl to say something, and yet Karl seemed... stumped, as if he didn't know where to begin.

Sapnap butted in as Karl opened his mouth for about the fifth time, no sound coming out. "You okay with me being really blunt?" Sapnap asks, still attempting to hide his real emotions behind a facade of a cool and collected expression. Although he couldn't fool me, I am far too smart for that.

"No problem, man." If I hadn't schooled my expression, the others might have seen a hint of worry cross my face. I can't let that happen- I won't let that happen. If I can't see their true feelings they can't see min-

'What the hell is wrong with you? Of course you shouldn't be hiding your emotions, these are the two people you trust most in the whole world! Who do you fucking think they are, Schlatt?'

Having just let down my guard to listen to the monologue's advice, I wince at the name, all too visibly as well.

"You okay?" Karl chirps, though not in his usual peppy tone.

"Hm? Yeah, no, of course hermanó!" The words seem to fall out of my mouth, almost as though it was a muscle memory of some sort. "What were you saying? Had I looked up any later I might not have noticed Karl wince at this, hurt panting through his facial features. Was it something I said?

'Oh gods damned it, you've done something else haven't you?'

"I- um... so me and Karl have been talking, and we've decided there's something we all need to talk about."

'For fucks sake spit it out already.' The words almost tumble out as a trained response, from where though, I have no idea. It's almost as if someone else is feeding me the words they feel I'm meant to speak. As if there is someone holding a hand to my throat, holding back words that need to be said, and their other hand shapes my mouth into words that shouldn't.

"Do you- do you like either of us... a-as more than friends." The words nearly die out on his tongue, my ears peeking up to try and catch the whispers and fragments of words that spill out near soundlessly, their pieces scattered around the floor, and at this point I'm grasping at straws. It takes my mind a moment to piece together his sentence, and by the time it is a coherent phrase Sapnap's gaze has already found a home on the floor, looking as though my silence was answer enough.

'Well, don't just sit there, you fuck up! What the hell are you doing, say something!' And this time the voice isn't mine, it's his. His raspy, familiarly scratchy and alcohol filled breaths.

'Say something, say something, say something, ANYTHING! Don't let them turn away, are you too weak to do even the simplest of things and open your mouth, sweetheart?'

The pet name is soft, but the context is harsh, and demanding, and feels like the stabbing of fresh ice. Fresh ice that sticks to the warmth of skin, pulling and pulling at it until the cold shakes you to your bones.

What to say?

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Hey guys, hope you're well. I am very happy with this chapter, and would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions!

Self care isn't selfishness.

Get yourself a water, and make sure you eat enough!

<3