Meant to be?

Clouded

TW:
-in depth talk of neglecting self care
Please let me know if you find any others!

Hopefully this'll be the long chapter you guys have been waiting for!

Also, on a more important note: WE JUST HIT 1.69k READS! Woooooo!

Okay, on an even MORE important note, I'd like you to meet ZWildcatBard ! They are our new editor! They use any pronouns cause yk, it's Wattpad so who cares.

I learned my lesson about making a chapter for an a/n because half of you guys didn't even read it.

Anyway, give a nice warm welcome for Z!

This is their first chapter that they are going to be editing for us and I am beyond grateful. So thank you so much Z, I'm so thankful to have  you here 🥳🥳🥳

———
Sapnap POV:

'Please, please, please, please, please'

My thoughts beg reality to bend to my wishes, to no avail.

I've been filled with nothing but false hope for the last few weeks, and nothing good has come of waiting in agony. Yet, there is nothing I can do.

I release my deadly grip from the granite, a part of me hoping for handprints to be left where mine just were.

Nothing. The countertop is perfect. Not a dent, scratch, or handprint in sight. Something about this sparks up my flame a bit, until I remember why I'm here.

'This isn't about you, you and your stupid self absorbed head that impatiently waits. The longer you wait, the more time for healing.'

It was only recently that I discovered the voices in your head are real, and not some added detail to a Disney movie.

And f*ck are they annoying.

I run my hands through my hair- or at least I try to. My fingers get caught near immediately by the tangled jungle that currently is my hair.

'Maybe I should've combed my hair at some point- what the hell am I thinking? That's nowhere near as important as what's going on around me.'

Three weeks, four days, and seven hours.

That's how long I've been here.

Watching.

Waiting.

Dying.

In the beginning, all I could think of was false hope. Sh*t like: 'it'll all be over soon, and we can get the f*ck out of here.' 'It's bound to be fine in a few days.'

Thinking like that is what got me into this stupid f*cking loop in the first place. This endless cycle of sitting and waiting, pretending to be asleep to appease my roommates' concerns, and then sitting and waiting again.

I can't help but wonder with each day that passes: 'how much longer?'

A futile question to ask.

Why ask questions, when no one knows the answer?

Hope. Hope, is why I ask. I ask every day if things have gotten better, and am always granted the same answer:

"From what we can tell, all is staying the same, so we can't even begin to give you a time estimation."

I'm sure the people here hate me by now, but why should I care? I see the world now through different lenses. Stupid things, like criticism and insecurities, died weeks ago. There are more important things.

More important things than me. More important things than sleep. More important things than breathing.

If only our story had been written differently, if only we had been dealt different cards, if only I had been there.

———
Longer chapter Pog!

Sorry it's a day later than usual!

Are you guys proud of me? I actually committed to something! To be honest I almost gave up on this story for a second there. Thank you guys so much for all of the reads and votes!

Please continue to comment, I love talking with you guys and seeing your funny remarks. Seeing comments makes me really happy.

Thank you guys, I hope this chapter wasn't triggering for anyone, and I'd just like to say that none of what Sapnap is thinking is true. Don't set aside your mental health!

Love you guys!