Meant to be?

Decisions

TW:
-Self degradation
Please let me know if you find any others!

:]

———
Sapnap POV:

'What will he say? What will he say? What will he say? Gods, damned it, this was a mistake. Why would he say yes? Why? Karl doesn't lo- like you, he's just nice. The kiss meant nothing, you're in the way. Why would he say yes? Why would he say-'

"Yes." I inhale sharper than I meant to, because why would he say yes?

"D-do you... I- I have feelings f-for both of you, b-but that's okay- I think." Karl sputters out around anxious breaths, seeming like he can't hold these words in anymore, like he's opening a door we never knew he had shut.

"S-so," I inhale tremulously, trying to calm my bubbling nerves, and blow over some of the overflowing tension in the room. "I-I like you guys, too. B-but you don't have to say you like us if you don't, we just... we just wanted to be honest with each other for once, what with you- getting back, and all, I don't want to live in the dark anymore, you know?" The anxiety boils into confidence, and next thing I know I'm spilling over with truth, and so many unspoken words. Although, concern still spills through, it's pushing and prodding through the confidence, and where assurance once held me, apprehensiveness bleeds out, between my ribs and out the old scars from bad memories and stupid decisions that litter my body, constant reminders of my mistakes.

My tongue is caught in my throat and I'm drowning in the bleeding anxiety, but who could tell? Who would care?

"I-if I were to say yes, this wouldn't be a joke? Wouldn't turn into something- s-something like what he did, wouldn't ever be like that. Right?" And gods, it hurts. Hurts to see the pain in his pain eyes, hurts to see so much truth and so many hints of mistrust, but hurts the most to see him so blatantly and outwardly scolding himself, as if he had said something he believed he shouldn't.

Behind the pain of his weariness, a flicker of something burning. Something warm and so painstakingly beautiful, sometimes that reeks so wholesomely of hope, and joy, and an eagerness I haven't felt from myself in a while.

Karl seems shocked at the question, and is stumbling and stuttering over reassurances, and is honestly taking far too long.

"Never be afraid to speak your mind, just because he is a fuckup and a pain in death's ass because it has to take him one day, doesn't mean the rest of your life has to be mistrusting. W-we like you, we've stuck by you too long to give up on you now, and, whether you like it or not, you're stuck with us because you suck at rock-paper-scissors and someone has to go shopping." This earns me two sets of glorious laughter- shut up, I am NOT a fucking simp- and I can't help myself but join. It's like a disease, their happiness, it's infectious, but as far as I'm concerned it's welcomed, and I've made it my personal goal to make them laugh as many times as possible.

———

Hey guys, I'm so confused as to how I sputtered out over 300 words of this in like 20 minutes because I realized I forgot to finish writing earlier.

Anyway, I am content with parts of this, once I'm done writing the entirety of this story I'm going to go through and edit EVERYTHING. I know I said I'd do that months ago but... let's be honest, I forgot.

Self care is not selfishness, go get yourself some water, and actually listen to your body if you're hungry!!

<3