Split Sides

A Letter to Hayley - Back to Square One

(I think I'm gonna make these letters a regular correspondence for my thougths and unspoken longings for her. Hopefully at some point I aim to publish them all and use these letters to inspire others and give her an idea of what unfolded in my life since we last spoke.)

Hi Hayley. Sorry if I changed my mind on ending my loquacious letters to you. I guess no matter how hard I try to move on, your memory has been a haunting presence in my mind. So I'm gonna write these letters to you as a sort of remembrace/prayer to the deities up there to help us reunite.

I'm sorry for skipping Christmas and our anniversary last 24 March. I couldn't bear with myself to write to you again without any signs of progress on my end. Truth is, it hurts me to know that out of all our friends, I'm the last one left who still waits for you and hopes that you come back. I'm the last one standing, but there's no joy or glory in it, only recurring heartache and melancholia. I always promised you I'd come back for you and I will, though right at the moment my drive to see you and fulfill my promise is evened out by this notion that I might also strive to find you just to see if you're still alive and have moved on, just to lay to rest this memory that hamstrungs my attempts to find and experience a new love. As long as that question mark exists within our relationship, I can't hope to move on without knowing if you're still alive and okay. Even if that becomes true, that's all I ask. It doesn't faze me if our relationship can possibly restart or if there's no more future for the both of us, as long as I can see you again. That's all I ask.

Well, that's all for now. I must keep looking for a job to earn some money to get there to where you possibly are to resolve this question between us. Goodbye for now Hayley. I love you and miss you so terribly much.