Split Sides

My Ghost

Many moons have long passed, and you're in a new life.
A new place, and it's the dead of night, way past midnight.
But your eyes won't grant you a brief respite,
No matter how much you've tried otherwise.
You say to yourself, you just can't sleep, no big deal,
Or it's a big problem keeping you up at night.
Maybe you're staring at the ceiling, willing yourself to sleep,
Or you're on your balcony or backyard somewhere,
With a glass of wine or a cigarette on your hand.
Either because you've just had another almighty row
With your partner and you need a distraction,
Or because you're by yourself, with only
Your solitude to keep you company.

You feel nostalgic, your lethargy creeping onto you,
As your imagination takes you away from your present.
You surrender to it as it takes your hand,
Wondering where it'll lead you to.
To your surprise, it takes you to the distant past,
Back before all this happened, to the sunshine of your memories.
And you find yourself back to me somehow.
It amazes you, you know this isn't real,
And you're right, none of this is real,
Because this is ancient history you join me in.
And yet here you are, back in our halcyon days,
When you and I stood against the world,
With the pain in our hearts and the hunger for better lives,
Becoming a glue of love and commitment
That fused us together, moulded us into one,
Into a shared future of peace and contentment.
You wanted to run away,
Away from the people and the lies that scarred you,
And I said I'd be with you all the way,
To a life we never knew but we both desired.
Wherever it may be, through Hell and back,
As long as we had each other, we'd never be alone.
That was our common foundation from which we built
The dreams that would guide us
Towards our promised land.
You promised me, you'll never let go,
And I promised you, I'm always here for you.
We both wanted this, and we worked feverishly
To realise this as quickly as possible.
But something happened, and you had second thoughts.
Maybe you decided you're not ready
And you needed to know yourself first.
Maybe you wanted more than I could ever give you,
And you wanted someone better.
Or maybe you just wanted a new start now,
And regretted promising me a vow you couldn't keep.
So you dropped me, left me high and dry
Without even saying sorry and goodbye.
All the times we had, the secrets we shared,
You torched them, and then you ran away.
As you counted the distance, I counted the pieces,
Innumerable as it were, such was my agony.
But it didn't matter, because I was your sordid past,
A littany of lies of which I was now a part of.
You set off into your golden future,
The one you said you always wanted.
Damn the human cost, because this is your life after all.
And so you left, wherever the future took you,
Until it soon turned into your inescapable present.

You jolt awake, back into your new life.
In this new place, nothing has changed, and you're still the same.
Back in the dead of night, way past midnight,
But now you've lost the will to sleep.
You remembered me, remembered us,
Back when there was still an "us".
You don't know if it's right or wrong
And you're lost and confused on how to respond.
So you lean on the railing and look for an answer
Up on the moon and stars, hoping one would arise.
You gaze on the faraway moon and whisper my name,
Keeping your voice down so no-one would hear.
Maybe it's regret that makes you do it,
Due to the acrimony your departure caused.
Or maybe you just miss me despite everything,
And you're wondering how I'm doing.
So you do it, you say my name.
But all that greets you
Is the sound of your voice missing my ghost.

On another night, in another time,
I've made a new life for myself, in the place I always wanted.
But just as some things have changed,
Some things have stayed the same.
I live alone as usual,
And I look at the moon and stars to keep me company.
I've enjoyed gazing at the night sky
Ever since you left me behind to my fate.
A small, personal solace
In this future we never had.
I look up at the moon, white as cream,
And suddenly I think about you,
As if it's transmitting your call to me.
I wonder what's happened to you, how you've turned out,
And if you're living the life you always wanted.
I ask myself, "If the stars align and the opportunity arose,
Would I want to see you again?"
I ponder the question for a few minutes,
Then decide, "No. Not anymore."
You let me down, and you broke my heart,
Possibly for the last time.
I've come to terms with it, I've made a separate peace,
And I've accepted that sharing life with a loved one
Is a path that's closed to me.
And so with longing in my heart but clarity in my mind,
I turn around and go to bed.