Split Sides

Questions

Q: What do you want in a relationship?

A: It's simple. I want security, loyalty, closeness, and connection.

Q: What kind of person are you looking for?

A: Someone who can live with my imperfections. Someone who takes life as it comes. Someone who doesn't push me around. And someone who can hold me tightly when I'm lonely and miserable.

Q: Any red lines for you?

A: I don't want someone who takes advantage of my friendship. I don't want a person who's not there when I need them. And I don't like double standards.

Q: Such as?

A: Saying no to me when I yearn to hang out with her all night, but having no problem when others ask the same. Making me jealous and treating me like a third wheel. And promising me things only to let me down the next.

Q: What are the things you're afraid of?

A: Where do we start... I'm scared of intimacy, because I have no history with it. I don't get turned on by female anatomy, and my fascinations tend to lean on the unorthodox side. I'm scared of using women, because I hate imagining myself using them for sex, and if I did how am I different from everyone else? But the biggest thing I'm terrified of is this idea of what I call 'Love Inequality'. This idea that I love her more than she loves me. Oh, how I hate it.

Q: How's your current one?

A: So far, so good. She loves me and I love her. I've no doubt it's genuine, and it's great because we're so alike. Though I admit I'm naive because I've no prior experience, and I don't really know how my emotions work, so I don't know what counts and what I have to do. But yeah, the tenderness is there, and the devotion and honesty is great. The question is, where do we go next? I guess we'll see what happens.

Sorry I forgot to publish this last Saturday. I was asked these questions during my last therapy but I couldn't find the right words to answer them in full. So I wrote down all the answers I wanted to say then. I hope this gives a window into my processes.