Split Sides

One-Shot

"You can't do this!" I protest. "And besides, it's unfair!"

Next to me Hayley throws a frustrated tantrum. "Yeah! Take us somewhere else like Pizza Hut or Popeye's! Not this wreck of a joint!"

"Hey, a deal's a deal guys," Hermione reminds on the driver's seat. "You said I wouldn't take down two bowls of banana split in one sitting, and you bet that if you lost I'd drive you here and force you two to have fun. Well I won, didn't I?"

"I know!" Hayley sinks into her seat sullenly. "But can't you do this tomorrow? Or the day after?"

"Oh, I think you're having fun tonight, like it or not!"

"Uh, hello?" I raise my hand to get Hermione's attention. "What's the deal?"

"My best friend Hayley bet that I couldn't stand a bowl of bananas because I never liked them. And she lost that bet, so now she's here to have some fun. And you're coming along with her."

"Why? For what?"

"Oh no Zack, have you forgotten already? You joined Hayley and betted against me. Well I proved you both wrong haven't I?"

"You revolt me so much Herm." I look at the rear view mirror and see that arrogant smirk on her face. I wish I can wash it off with soap.

"For the love of God just suck it up you two!" Francesca intrudes at the passenger seat. "You won't die from this! And it's just a cheap little fast food joint! Why can't you two just admit you lost and take the bloody penalty?"

"Because I don't like this chore one bit Fran!" Hayley gives Hermione's seat a good kick. "And why are we the only ones doing this? What about you two?"

"She's giving a tour around town, see what's what." Francesca applies her lipstick and some powder for her cheeks. "I'll get friendly with the locals, and Herm will help out."

"And here are the keys to the joint." Hermione opens the glovebox and hands Hayley a set of keys. "I've paid off all the staff and guards, so you'll have exclusive use tonight."

"Fine. Let's just get this thing over with." Hayley gets out of the car and I tag along.

We look at the joint, in all this concrete and neon glory. Behind us Hermione honks her horn and shouts from the window. "Remember guys, I'm picking you up at 7 a.m. so you better have some fun tonight."

In a puff of smoke Hermione and Francesca drive off the parking lot in that awful yellow Mini Countryman. I look at my watch. It's 9:02 p.m., 11 hours to do this.

"Great. So what now?" I say as I look at the closed, concrete square of a building.

"Now we do as she said and have some fun." Hayley opens the entrance and heads straight for the kitchen to turn on the lights. "So what do you want to do first?"

No answer.

"Zack?" She looks for me at the stage. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Don't mind me Hayley, I just need to get this out my chest." I turn to the big, purple mouse at the center of the stage and pound him with kicks. "Nobody likes you, okay? Nobody fucking likes you! You're just an invention by boring mothers in their midlife crisis to stupefy their kids instead of teaching them philosophy! You're useless, you dumb rat!"

I tear its head off and smash its body with it. "Get it through your thick heads, you corporate morons! Or better yet grow a fucking brain! You hear me?"

Hayley grabs a hold of me and guides me away from the stage. "It's okay Zack, you made your point. Let's just go and eat something."

She leads me to the kitchen and throws some fries into the deep fryer. As she watches them cook I mumble on a bit. "Bunch of idiots, these people. You'd think they'd teach kids about cooking and the arts instead of giant rats."